The Immaculate Conversation

52f29d839786d977bccd12da8064f857Sometimes I imagine what it would have been like to be a fly on the wall in some nondescript building in Nazareth shortly after the conception of Jesus Christ. Think about it. She was already engaged to a working man, a carpenter named Joseph, who already knew she was a virgin when they were courting, and she had to find a time and place to explain to him that she was pregnant. It was obviously not his kid, and she had to know how ludicrous it would all sound, but there were no options for her. It was like a Band-Aid. She had to rip it off quickly and hope he wasn’t grossed out by the wound.

Mary {walking in the door}: Joe, we need to talk.

Joseph: Let me guess. You want to call off the wedding? I already called the dove guy. He’s got 100 birds ready and waiting.

Mary {shaking her head}: No, no. But you might want to call it off yourself after you hear what I have to tell you.

Joseph: The last time you said something like that it was because you sold your prize goat that was supposed to part of your dowry. But that was cool with me, and I’m sure this will be too.

Mary: Joe, this isn’t even remotely like selling a goat. I wish it was, honestly.

Joseph: Okay, Mare, now you’ve got me worried. Just spit it out and we’ll deal with it. Together.

Mary: Just remember that I’ve never lied to you before. Please keep that in mind because this may be a bit fantastic to hear. Heck, I would think I was crazy if I wasn’t there myself to see what happened.

Joseph: Mare, have you been drinking the mead from behind the temple again?

Mary: Of course not! Okay, okay, I’m just going to come out with it. Remember when I told you I hadn’t been with another man?

Joseph {pausing and frowning}: Yes, I remember that. It was back at the beginning when I told you how I’d been with a couple girls, and you said that was okay. What are you trying to tell me? Did you sleep with someone else?

Mary: God no! I mean, no way. You’re the man for me, and I want our wedding night to be special, but…

Joseph: Well, as long as you’ve been faithful to me then I can’t see what could possibly be an issue.

Mary: Well… see, I’ve never been with another man, but I, I’m… pregnant.

Joseph {mouth hanging open}: Wh-what? How? When? Wait. I know how women get pregnant, and there’s only one way. How could you have been faithful to me and still be pregnant? We haven’t even…

Mary: You know how we go to temple every week and pray for God to show us his way through miracles? Well, this is one of those miracles in the flesh. Literally. I saw an angel, and a bright light, and now I’m pregnant. Even though I’m still a virgin.

Joseph: Mare, do you know how crazy that sounds? I mean, honestly, if you’ve been with another man just tell me. I can take it.

Mary: But I haven’t, Joe! There was this angel, a huge creature really. And it touched my stomach and there was a fluttering. I can’t describe it. And the angel told me I was pregnant, and that the child… the child would be the son of God. I still can’t quite comprehend it, Joe, but I need you to believe me.

Joseph: I need time to process all of this.

Mary: But you believe me, right? Please tell me you believe me.

Joseph: Mare, honestly, I don’t know what to believe right now. A pregnant virgin. What will we tell people at the wedding when you’re heavy with child? How will we be able to hold our heads up high? How can I even marry you when you’re pregnant and it’s not my child?

Mary: But it will be your child, Joe. It will. We will raise him right here in Nazareth, and you can show him the carpentry trade. He will be OUR child, Joe, no matter how he was conceived. And as for the people at our wedding, who needs them if they’re going to judge us? We know the truth. Don’t we?

Joseph: I don’t know. I just don’t know. This is just too much to process right now. You have to give me time.

Mary: I understand, but I just want you to know I truly could never be unfaithful to you, and I’m still a virgin. This will be the first ever virgin birth in the history of mankind, and I’m honestly humbled that God chose me, but I need you by my side.

Joseph: Yeah, I wish you told me you had sold the other goat instead.

Mary: I can still do that, if it makes this any easier for you. Although that goat is a little skittish around me after the last one never came back.

Joseph: I think maybe sometimes goats are smarter than people. Sometimes.

Mary {sighing loudly}: You said it.

Sam

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