Dear Journal: Busy Is As Busy Does

Dear Journal, Why does it always seem like things happen in bunches? For instance, life might be quiet for an awfully long time (and I don’t appreciate the quiet as much as the noise), somehow lulling me into a sense that it will always be that way, and then once I’m in that place it … Continue reading Dear Journal: Busy Is As Busy Does

Stark Winter

The cold seeps in like a drug Coursing its way through my veins Settling deep into sinew and bone Possessing its own heartbeat This frozen wasteland of mine Starving for a recognition That will never arrive And these latent convictions Solid as a block of ice Yet chipped away by circumstance By a monumental love … Continue reading Stark Winter

The Reflex

fight-or-flight-checkbox-2.american-apparel-youth-tee.light-blue.w760h760We all have certain tendencies we lean toward, especially when things get tough. They’re ingrained in us, hardwired like computer programming, so we turn to them when we need to make quick decisions. I know for me that’s certainly true because if you lay out all of the decisions I’ve made in my life in a line on the floor the line would be long, but the basis for each decision would be a very small list.

I’ve usually made decisions based on self-preservation, or on the pleasure principle. Generally the decisions made to achieve momentary pleasure are followed up shortly by the ones that stress self-preservation. There’s a reason for that. My personality is a large one, which means most times when I make decisions they generally affect more people than just a few. It’s the nature of being me, because people listen to me when I speak.

I feed off of the attention and make even more decisions to maintain that attention, even if the decisions are circumspect. I know this about myself, but only recently have I been able to really derail those poor decisions. Most of them lead to some variations of falsehoods, which of course can put me in tough situations. I know when I’m doing it that I should stop, but the attention fuels the fire. Continue reading “The Reflex”

The Law of Attraction

“I take two steps forward. I take two steps back. We come together ’cause opposites attract. And you know — it ain’t fiction. Just a natural fact. We come together ’cause opposites attract.” ~Paula Abdul Let me put this out there first: we’re not opposites. Far from it. I’d call us complementary if anything, like … Continue reading The Law of Attraction

Complicated, Part 4

“Everything is complicated; if that were not so, life and poetry and everything else would be a bore.” ~Wallace Stevens I looked up one day and realized a decade had passed, and then two, and that time was still passing me by at a reckless pace, but it wasn’t really passing me by. It was … Continue reading Complicated, Part 4