Like Deja Vu

deja-vu“This is like deja vu all over again.” -Yogi Berra

I’ve been here before. And I’ve talked to these same people. In this same order. For this same particular length of time. In this same exact tone. Everything is scripted like a movie because we have done THIS before, all of this. I can’t quite shake this feeling, even though my mind rages against it, because my body says, “Yes! Yes! Yes! I remember even if you don’t,” as it performs the choreographed dance it has performed before.

Do you know how many times I’ve had that feeling throughout my life? Seemingly dozens of times. Each and every time I get hit with that feeling, that “deja vu all over again,” it slams me like a sledgehammer to the gut. It’s funny, too, because the memories are always vague, but I still feel like I could talk right along with the other person involved, because I always know what they’re going to say. And my own brain tells me what to say before I can even process what is being said to me. It shouldn’t be possible, but somehow it is, and that makes it even more incredible.

I remember the first time it happened, too. I was ten at the time, and I had just gotten home from school with my sister. We were latchkey kids. As I walked up the stairs to my room the feeling hit me hard, that I had gone up the stairs two at a time before, maybe many times before, with that exact same cadence. I reached the top and my sister called up to me from below. “Be careful on that last step,” she said, but I knew she would say it before it came out of her mouth. My room door was open, as I knew it would be, and it creaked as I closed it behind me. It didn’t always creak, but I knew it would that day. It did. Continue reading “Like Deja Vu”

Still Water

We fit like puzzle pieces All flat edged in places Bowed out in others Concave in sections Roughly shoved together That predictable reaction With its ebbs and flows Now we are at even tide As stagnant as still water Buoyant like white sand Pressed flatly together Breathing shallow and rushed Braced for a new beginning … Continue reading Still Water


american-idolIt is early morning, and there are 3,500 people packed into a giant room, all waiting to be called so they can show their stuff. Every single one of the other 3,499 people who sit there are poseurs though, because you — you are the next American Idol, and you almost feel sorry for those whose dreams will be crushed on this day. Then your number is called. You are supremely confident as you strut — yes, strut — into the room where the judges currently sit, waiting to tell you what you’ve known since you were young. They listen attentively — for 30 seconds before a hand is raised into the air. Your verdict comes.

Damn them, you think as you leave the room with their “No”s still ringing in your ears. It is late afternoon and your entire life has been invalidated. By that one simple word, multiplied by the power of three. That one word made you doubt every single loved one who told you how amazing your voice sounded in the shower every morning, every friend who went with you to karaoke and exclaimed how good you were, and every stranger who heard you singing at work and said, “Right on.” All of your faith in yourself, gone in the blink of an eye.

That’s because you tied all of your belief system up to one pie-in-the-sky idea, to an occupation that is hit-or-miss at best, one that spits out even some of the best voices and makes gruel of them. And honestly, you’re no Adam Lambert. So, why did all those people say you were the best they’d ever heard? BECAUSE IT COST THEM ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SAY IT. See, they would have done you a better service had they been like my mother and told the truth. At least then you wouldn’t be sitting there on the curb outside of the American Airlines Arena looking like your dog just died, and questioning everything you ever thought you knew. Continue reading “Idolatry”

Checked Out: Week 7

A rich white man commits suicide and leaves the vast majority of his fortune to his black housekeeper. In the 1980s. In the deep south. When the news hits, the gossip is a mile wide, and the lawyers come out of the woodwork to contest the will. And to add fuel to the fire, the … Continue reading Checked Out: Week 7

Sunday Shuffle

videos-musicales-de-los-90-nirvana-smells-like-teen-spiritMusic has always been my first love, so it’s always almost therapeutic for me to listen to songs that resonate, or that bring me back to an early time in my life, when I first discovered music. During my series of “Shuffles” I’ve been getting back to listening to songs in a random order on my iPod, and it’s been an interesting journey to say the least. So, here is the latest, my Sunday Shuffle…

1. Lucky Town – Darren Hayes

Darren Hayes was the voice of Savage Garden, that 90s group that gave us such anthems as “I Want You,” “I Knew I Loved You,” and “Truly Madly Deeply.” I miss that group, actually, but Hayes’ voice holds up very well in his solo career as well. This song is one of the special ones.

2. Get Down Like That – Ne-Yo
3. B*%ch Please – Snoop Dogg (feat. Xzibit)

I always love it when Snoop Dogg shows up on a shuffle because I know I’m always guaranteed some good  beats when it comes to the big Dogg.

4. On the Coast of Somewhere Beautiful (Live) – Kenny Chesney

This one was the first time Kenny Chesney ever played this song live, so it’s an amazing performance, a once-in-a-lifetime deal. I’ve always liked this song from the album, too, so I was glad it came on. It was good to groove to while I was writing my previous blog entry.

5. Stand Up Comedy – U2

Listening to this song, from the most recent U2 album, just makes me hungry for the new album, which I think will be coming sometime in the summer, hopefully. Getting to hear the new songs “Ordinary Love” and “Invisible” just make me excited as well. Continue reading “Sunday Shuffle”