Internet-Only

“Ayo! I’m tired of using technology. I need you right in front of me” ~50 Cent

I don’t always use air quotes when I speak of my internet-only friends. Sometimes I say it straight, as if they were my regular friends, as if we met at the bar every Friday night for a shot, or a beer, or both, or many. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if we swapped recipes in my kitchen, or played Madden together like everyone did in the ’90’s. Sometimes I wonder if we would even be friends if we talked all the time, if our kids would hate each other on sight.

There was no way I could have imagined this world when I was a kid. If you knew people they were your parents’ friends, or they went to church with you, or they were both. Their kids were your de facto friends, but that was it. That was your sphere, and you never had any occasion to step outside of it, like the metaphorical box we are always begging people to think outside of these days. Back then, though, we weren’t supposed to embrace new people from far away.

Those were the days of “stranger danger,” which is funny because most people get hurt by those they know. But we were told to steer clear of the windowless van, the man with the mustache who looked just a little bit off, anyone who lived more than a block away, or didn’t know your first name. That was the age of not too many strangers, and when they were around we knew them. It was like the red-suited crewmen on Star Trek. You knew them because they weren’t household names. You knew when you saw them that they would be dying on the away mission because they were different, because they were “strangers.” Continue reading “Internet-Only”

Friend Requests

In this age of Facebook it’s all about numbers. Who has the most “friends?” How many friends are mutual between you and somebody else — and anybody else? How many likes do your friends have on their posts? And my favorite — how many friend requests are pending, how long have they been in stasis, … Continue reading Friend Requests

My Facebook Wall

My Facebook wall is filled with friends, and acquaintances, and people I used to know eons ago who somehow found me again and decided to reconnect without reconnecting. And they say the wildest things sometimes, some kind of over-sharing that’s become popular these days. They post photographs of themselves in various stages of undress, in … Continue reading My Facebook Wall

Unfriended

“It is the transitory nature of life that lends itself to criticism by those who refuse to simply live.” ~Theodicus It may have been something I said. I do have a big mouth, or at least others have claimed as much in the past. But I think I’ve changed, at least to an extent, and … Continue reading Unfriended

Goats on YouTube

What is with all the goats on youTube today? At least, that’s all I’ve seen in my Facebook newsfeed. There is this Taylor Swift video where she’s singing to and with goats for her song, Trouble. Bahahahaha. And a compilation of goats yelling like humans. It’s maddening, really, how these videos can go viral. It … Continue reading Goats on YouTube