The Love We Think We Deserve

18 thoughts on “The Love We Think We Deserve”

  1. I think we stay because we remember the good and we still see that tiny essence of goodness in him and we hope we can help him. He left me and I was distraught at first but I’m happy now. But he didn’t abuse me physically. But the mental part was there. It’s so much nicer to be alone than to be alone and married.

      1. I agree with you, although I’d rather be married and not be alone…but that being said, someday I hope to find a partner who enjoys teamwork and the give and take of a relationship. Until then, I’m ok with being authentically me and being friends with everyone! 🙂

      2. Relationships are difficult, especially when there are so many codependent people out there who take and never give. Authentically being ourselves is the best thing we can do to weed out those we just don’t mesh with, and who take without giving.

  2. For some victims, the abusive attention is better than being ignored and believing you are worthless.

    For most of us this is a situation too impossible to contemplate, but for someone with low self-esteem, it is the better deal. Those of us who possess self-confidence would do well to try to empathise with the victims.

  3. Also, there are plenty of abusers who will target women who do have plenty of self-confidence and who are doing quite well in life by society’s standards of what “doing well” constitutes. There are men who get very angry at the existence of women who do love themselves and who either make more money than they or are better than them at *insert-pursuit-here*. For these men, victory and reassurance of their own worth comes from tearing strong women down and gaining a sense of control over them. Eventually, even strong women forget that there really, truly is better “love” out there waiting for them.

    1. Everybody wants love, whatever that means in individual cases, weak or strong. And being self-confident is a tight rope to walk where love is concerned. The most confident of people (male or female) can be laid low by certain people.

  4. (Also: I say “strong” here not to juxtapose that trait with abuse victims, because I would never call those individuals weak. I’m referring to the fact that male abusers are frequently very angered by women displaying strength and competence.)

  5. Lord. I don’t even know. He’d invited me to a family wedding three months away AND to spend Thanksgiving with his mother’s family like that first week. We were both pretty smitten. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster since the actual date though. I was pretty nervous, but I did warn him I would be. Aaand I quit my full-time job (still coaching and doing my other stuff). So life is interesting right now, but as far as he goes, I decided to just back off and see what happens.

      1. Yeah, I would agree with that. And he’s an introvert whereas I am…well, NOT an introvert, lolol. Adderall does slow down my mile-a-minute speech, but I can still overwhelm people if I don’t channel it into my writing instead.

      2. Ah, the curse of the introvert. I’ve been around a few myself. I like the personality I’ve seen from you on here. Hope the Adderall doesn’t affect thst too much.

      3. Personality-wise, nah. It just keeps me from getting so overwhelmed by the racing thoughts, and I remember to wear both socks and I don’t drive away with the mail on top of my car. Or get lost driving absolutely everywhere. Or accidentally interrupt people. Or have a really important thought and stop in the middle of a tumbling pass…

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