Dear Journal: Repetitions

Dear Journal,

I found myself watching Seinfeld again this morning and laughing in all the right places like I’ve done the dozens of other times I’ve watched each episode. It’s funny to me how, even though I know the punchlines, and even though I can recite the lines right along with the characters, it’s still hilarious. I still sat here this morning chuckling to myself because like a fine wine the material holds up over time.

That happens with so many other things in my life too, so much so that I constantly feel like I’m living in deja vu, like the repetitions at the same times in the same places destine me to be forever in some kind of loop. Most times I don’t mind, like when I’m curled up in a good book I’ve read five times before, holding my breath as the killer is about to be revealed… again, or when I’m watching a favorite movie for the 10th time and I still pause it when I leave the room, not wanting to miss a second.

I would probably be able to exist just on things I’ve already seen and done for the rest of my life. Just hook me up to an IV of my favorite books, my favorite music, my favorite movies, and my favorite television shows and I would survive just fine. That’s probably why I collect books that I like, and also why at any given time one of the several books I read simultaneously is one I’ve already read.

And it’s not monotonous because I discover new things every single time I re-read those books, every time I re-watch those TV shows, and every time I view those movies. Probably because I’m at different emotional levels each time, or because I’ve matured just that much in the space between, or even because I just focus on different aspects. Whatever the reason I get excited to find those new things I may have missed before, like watching The Sixth Sense again after finding out the mind-blowing ending and wondering how I hadn’t seen it the first time through.

I live for that repetition because it’s comforting, yes, but also because it gives me a chance to understand more in-depth why I am drawn to the things I am drawn to, and it gives me insight into what makes me tick. That’s more valuable than gold.

Sam