Diatribe

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Quit looking at me!

I have a wooden duck in my living room. No, seriously. It sits on the high shelf and looks down on me while I’m watching television. And I can’t help but feel like it’s judging my actions, that it’s telling me I should be out in nature doing something active instead of sitting here watching what my father always referred to as the “idiot box.” But I shut out his stare and focus on my programs instead, telling myself I’ll exercise later. Of course you and I both know I won’t, but maybe the duck will be easily fooled.

Being sedentary is a problem in our society, isn’t it? With all the screens around, our culture is geared toward sitting around, or standing around, and watching one thing or another. Sometimes it’s the laptop while we read and compose blog entries, and other times we’re staring at the TV. Still other times it’s our phones (yeah, it’s mostly our phones anymore, isn’t it?), or our tablets, or our iPod Touches. That sounded weird to me, iPod Touches, but I guess that’s the plural. Anyway, my point stands.

We don’t even talk anymore. In work just the other day during lunch, there were seven of us in the break room, and every single one was on a cell phone messaging, or texting, or trolling on Facebook, or tweeting, or Snapchatting, or any other variation of application available or popular to the masses right now. For a solid 20 minutes there was absolute silence in the room. I know, I counted. A room that used to have sound booming off its walls was absolutely silent for 20 minutes. That’s crazy.

But we do exercise, don’t we? At least sometimes we do. For about a month straight I was totally religious about it… in 2011. Every morning like clockwork I got up early and did my various routines. It got my heart pumping, I sweated out some toxins, and it made me feel better the whole rest of the day. But I stopped for whatever reason, and one of the worst things you can do when you’re on a regimen like that is stopping for a day. Because it’s so easy once you’ve stopped to stay stopped, to go back to being a sedentary creature. If I only liked nature, it would be easier.

Simon Baker never judges me.

The wooden duck on the high shelf judges me for that too, almost as if he were the ghost of a real duck who used to splash around in the creek down yonder. But I’ve never liked the “great” outdoors, with its bugs, its rain, and its unpredictability. Give me a good temperature-controlled house any day and I’m happy. I remember there was a Daily Prompt last week that had a series of choices. Would you rather be stuck on a deserted island or trapped in a strange building, and I of course picked the strange building. At least I might be able to have some TV.

So, nature is out, but I’m not getting any younger and I know I need to get moving (figuratively and literally). I kind of don’t want to commit myself to a new exercise plan right now because it’s still too close to the beginning of the year, all those resolutions you know? We all know that new year’s resolutions hardly ever pan out, and we get all defeatist about them after a while. So I have to distance it from all of that. Maybe in March? Yeah, March sounds like a good time to start. I need to buy some workout clothes between now and then.

Oh, and I need to turn this duck around so he’s not staring at me anymore. It’s creepy.

Sam

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