My heart dropped about 23 floors when she looked at me this morning with those soulful brown eyes and said, “I want you to stay.” And I know I haven’t been around as much lately. That’s the glory of working two jobs, and being gone most of the day. And that time between paychecks isn’t the easiest time either, because I know I’m working the two jobs for a reason, but it’s easy to forget that reason when I see those soulful brown eyes only once in two days, looking at me, saying, “I want you to stay.”
So, even though I was running slightly behind schedule, and even though she weighs a ton more than she used to, I picked her up and hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around my neck and held on tight, like her life depended on it, and my heart sank another 15 floors. While she was still in my arms, I had the following discussion with my daughter:
Me: You know I want to stay too, but I have to go to work.
Lexi: But I want you, Daddy.
Me: You know how much I love you, don’t you?
Lexi: But I want you to stay, Daddy.
Me: I can’t stay, but I’ll be home this afternoon.
Lexi: But I want you to stay, Daddy.
And that conversation went nowhere, as you can see, because 1) she was too tired and 2) she believes that what she wants is more important than anything else, so she ignored what I said. She’s right, too. If I didn’t have to leave the house to make money to help sustain our lives, I would have stayed. I would have hugged up both of my girls, sat down to a lovely breakfast, and spent the whole day with them. But, sadly, that’s not the way things work out. It makes my heart sad every single time.
Then the day went along as it always does, and the afternoon arrived. I picked up my younger daughter from school, and when I walked into her classroom my heart began to pick itself up off the ground floor. Her smile said it all, the smile that lights up her face from ear to ear. Then those little legs were pumping quickly across the expanse of carpet to reach me, with the sounds of “Daddy!” on her lips. I picked her up into the air, not unlike her sister earlier, but the greeting is so much easier than the goodbye. Maddie grabbed my hand, said, “Daddy back!” and I nodded along.
Yes, Daddy was back. And my heart began to soar again.
Sam
Sam's Online Journal 
Beautiful! Just beautiful.
Thank you so much, Jess. Your opinion means so much to me.
“she believes that what she wants is more important than anything else”
You know what? I believe this a lot too, and I love it when life tells me a story about God. Thank you for sharing this with me, friend, it’s given me something to ponder.
You’re welcome, Cara. I enjoy life’s lessons as well, and I am glad I could help you ponder. Any ideas why you believe that way a lot?
I think, by nature, I’m pretty Cara-centric. That’s something we think as children of course, and outgrow, by and large, but vestiges of that approach to life (it’s all about me, I can’t understand why not, so it must be possible) remain into adulthood, needing to be submitted to God and denied as untruth. We get better at camouflaging, and God continues to work in us, but it’s an honest approach as well.
Understanding ourselves and our motivations is definitely a start.
I don’t think we get anywhere by ignoring our propensity to sin.
I completely agree, but recognise that we are in the minority.
That is certainly true. But it’s nice to be on similar journeys. Thanks again!
The journey to self-understanding takes a wealth of souls.