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Posts Tagged ‘love’

Some mornings are simply better than others. The birds chirp mellow, smooth, instead of high pitched and whiny. The coffee smells sweeter, infusing the air with the perfect hint of hazelnut, no more, no less. The bed feels warm, like a cocoon, enveloping me in its warm embrace. The children sleep in, so there are no interruptions, no screams, no yells, nothing at all. Just the sound of silence, and the steady breathing of my wife beside me as I hold her closely.

Some mornings I am in my thoughts, concentrating on what’s to come instead of on what has been, focused on the next thing. I am attuned not to the coming rain but to the storm clouds that are gathering, studying them for signs of early spring, or fading glory, or everything else and nothing else all at once. I stretch out my hand to feel the rain I know is coming, to embrace the coming downpour in ways I never have before. I flinch at its cold presence mingling with my own, and I close the window.

Some mornings there’s Ed Sheeran singing in my ear, reminding me that everything should be all about the rhythm. I sing along to the beat, knowing how close the lyrics are to my own life, to the words that would be in my head even if I wasn’t listening to it. I’m reminded that life, while solitary, is a shared experience, that others are listening to this same song right now, or ruminating on it in their minds, or lost in their dreams of it. Or songs like it. Or thoughts like it. And I smile.

Some mornings I am just so grateful for this life, for this ability to awaken again, to welcome the sun, the sound of the chirping crickets, the cold floor under my feet as I stand. The bed looks forlorn without me in it, with my wife still there steadily breathing, still fast asleep. I tuck the abandoned sheets and covers in around her, a poor facsimile for the warmth of myself, but it’s what I have to give when I have to be up and moving. When the night turns into day and I’m left staring at the thin line.

But some mornings… some mornings I can stay there with her. I can hold her closer than my own skin and our breathing naturally synchronizes. Some mornings I can imagine forever.

Sam

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easyloveLove is easy… when it’s reciprocated. When it’s neither tied down nor coerced. When it’s head and heart entwined together. When it’s not long distance. When it’s two-way street. When… well, when a whole lot comes together in perfect alignment… then it’s easy.

I’ve had two loves, and neither one was easy, not when things counted anyway. Both were easy at the beginning, when everything was shiny and new, because we didn’t know any better. We basked in the warmth of an emergent love, secure in our notion that love was all we needed.

Which is the major issue, isn’t it? Love is never all we need. It’s never the salve for everything that ails us. It can never do the heavy lifting because love wasn’t built for that. It is the emotional component to our relationships. Necessary? Yes. Independent? No. Love can be a foundation, but it can’t be the only support for a relationship.

So yes, love can be easy when everything else is in place. When a relationship also has honesty, cooperation, trust, and a host of other supports firmly in place. Obviously, bracing your relationship with all of those supports takes time and effort, takes trial and error, takes hard work on both sides.

Unfortunately, that’s why so many relationships these days fail, because we live in a world where not many people are willing to work through the struggles, to talk out the issues, to be completely honest with each other, not just about their feelings, but also about what they need from their partner. So it’s not easy, and instead of working harder on it, they let it go. They let it drift away when they should be diagnosing the problems so they can get to the next step.

11743693133_c154198945So yes, real love is easy, because it’s surrounded by a scaffold of everything necessary to keep it alive and to help it flourish successfully. My first love was young love, which thought itself self-sustaining, but all the love in the world wouldn’t have saved it. Because we weren’t on the same page, both of us thinking that love would be enough, that we would be together forever because we wanted to be together forever. When the end came we were still scratching our heads, wondering what went wrong.

The second time around, though, from the start it was difficult because we were both older, and we both knew that love wasn’t enough. We both knew that it would be challenging, but it was a challenge we were ready to take. Because we knew that if we got through the tough times, the challenging decisions, the difficult confessions, we would emerge together at the end.

So yes, love is easy. When you know that it’s not enough.

Sam

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in pieces

c5b03c1aaffd6856dcbe153071d9b430My heart breaks in pieces
Asymmetrical like your love
Which never encapsulated me
So very incomplete
An inadequate coupling
Forced into static molds
Quite complex, fragmented
Like the state I’m in
Tears streaking the glass
As I watch you pull away
These heartstrings pulled taut
Straining to follow behind
Tethered to these fragments
Fraying at the seams
And I cannot make a sound
You’ve stolen all the words
Silence a consequence
Of giving you heart and soul
This love bleeding out
Staining the space between
Your leaving and my pain
These physical manifestations
Shattering my stupidity
And my reliance on your love
That proved to be artifice
These pieces swept up like dust
Into the vortex left behind
By the absence of you
As I sit here struggling
To be whole again.

Sam

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There She Goes

“There she goes. There she goes again. Running through my brain… and I just can’t contain the feeling that remains.”

Rearview mirrorSo, there I was, driving up Route 12, heading home when I saw a pair of headlights behind me. I glanced in the rear view and vaguely recognized the make and model of the car behind me — because it was the same as my wife’s. But I try to stay focused on the road ahead when I’m driving. Yet something kept dragging my eyes back to that car, and I saw the driver waving at me.

You guessed it. It wasn’t just the make and model of the car my wife drives. It was my wife, in the last place I would have expected her at 3:15 in the afternoon out on Route 12, directly behind me. My heart leapt in my chest because it was her, it was really her, and I can’t explain just how I feel every single time I see her. It’s especially true when it’s an unexpected encounter.

I’m sure it’s just me, that not every man has those first encounter flights of adrenaline like I have when I see my wife. I mean, it’s been 15 years since we first started talking, and we’ve had our ups and downs, but that feeling never goes away. Perhaps I’m just a sentimental guy. After all, I celebrate the day she first emailed me, the day she first told me she loved me, and the day I first moved here to Central New York. So why not celebrate every time I get to see the woman who chose me?

I try to tone it down from time to time, because I know she’s nowhere near as sentimental as I am. Which is okay. I knew this about her when we first met. And I have to admit it makes me that much more excited in those moments when she is sentimental. Of course I hope she doesn’t get overloaded with my exuberance, but she knew this about me when we first met. And she’s stuck with me nevertheless. I think it makes for a good combination.

So, there I was, driving up Route 12, heading home when I saw my wife behind me, waving as if she was excited at the coincidence. In that moment I could feel her excitement that rivaled mine. In that moment. And I felt a thousand warm and fuzzies coursing through my body as I waved back and blew her kisses. She makes me want to sing a karaoke duet with her, but I wouldn’t because she would hate it. But it still makes me feel good even wishing that we could.

We parted a few moments later, me still heading home, and her going about the course of her day, but there she was, and there she goes. Which always makes me smile.

Sam

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Okay, so I’ll admit I hadn’t really jumped on board with all of the challenges that seem to have exploded over the internet in the past few years. All this bandwagon stuff, and whatnot. So I wasn’t dumping ice water all over myself back in 2015 even when it seemed like everyone else was. There’s miles of video to prove it. I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten behind any quick moving movement like that before.

Until now. My best friend was participating in what is called the “Love Your Spouse” challenge, in which you post a photo of you and your spouse once a day for seven days. The photos can be from anywhere and from any time period, so long as they show both of you. Some people do it differently and take photos specifically for the challenge, while others have pictures that include them and their spouse, but aren’t necessarily just the two of them.

For me I felt like if I was going to do it I was going to plumb the depths of photos we have of ourselves (most of which I begged to have her take the shot with me — bad hair days be damned). So that’s what I did, and every day so far I’ve stayed true to one thing and one thing only. Does the photo encapsulate who we are as a couple in some way? If it did then I included it.

Today is Day 6 of the seven-day challenge, and I’m quite proud of the 6 photos I’ve chosen so far to represent us. I’m so proud of them that I decided I don’t just want to post them to Facebook and see how many likes they get. I want to display them out here, in a medium of my choosing, in my own world, and so that you (my dear subscribers) can observe them as well. I’m including my motivations for each one as well. Oh, and I’m sorry you won’t get to see photo #7, but I decided I do want an up-to-date photo of us for that one, so I’ll be taking it first thing tomorrow. You know, if it’s a good hair day…

Bruzzy's Reception

Photo #1. 2002. We had just met the year before — online — and I had just moved to upstate New York. One of the first things I did was to accompany this lovely lady to a wedding. It reminds me of when everything was still fresh and new. Look at our smiles. It’s one of my favorites.

Before Rob's Wedding (2)

Photo #2. 2012. I fast forwarded to 10 years later, and to another wedding. We were in Philadelphia getting ready for my oldest friend’s wedding. I was a groomsman — the first and only time I had such an honor — but my wife stole the show. I forgot how much I loved this dress, but that smile is eternal.

Ireland Pictures 067

Photo #3. 2003. Here’s to jumping around in time, but this one spoke to me. Glendalough, Ireland. These ruins of ancient monks’ quarters were breathtaking to behold, and I would have never seen them if not for the planning of my wife. Married less than a week, we enjoyed our honeymoon on the Emerald Isle, a place I have always wanted to go. I wish we could go back.

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Photo #4. 2013. I don’t even remember what we were dancing to here, but my wife reminds me that apparently this was her “wedding dress” for a few weddings we were invited to over the course of a few years. Don’t be fooled. I have no rhythm, but she dances with me anyway. That’s love.

13775398_10210116240287643_3395609728498473812_n

Photo #5. 2012. Somehow I feel like this was 2011 instead, but my phone said 2012, so I’m going to go with it. My wife doesn’t like to take photos with her glasses on, so I decided to try it on for size. I couldn’t see a thing, so I just directed my smile toward the blob I thought was the phone. I think it came out okay.

Grad Party Day Pictures 032

Photo #6. 2003. This picture was taken two days before our wedding, two days before we would embark on our Irish honeymoon journey. I believe my mother took it. It was at my undergraduate graduation, a wild endeavor that was supported 110% by this lovely lady here. It’s fitting for the challenge because even though she wasn’t quite my spouse in this picture, she was.

Sam

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“Loveless and cold, with your last breath you saved my soul. You smiled at me like Jesus to a child.” (Jesus to a Child) ~George Michael

black-jesusI remember a story about Jesus taking out his aggression on the moneylenders who were turning the temple of God into a marketplace. He supposedly overturned tables and used harsh language in running them out of the place in disgrace. It was a life lesson I’m sure many of them never forgot, or it was a blip on the radar of their lives that was over almost before it even began. I reckon it was the former. I imagine Jesus could be quite domineering when he wished.

There’s another parable about a woman with an issue of blood who only wanted to touch Jesus as he passed through the crowd. She was only able to get her fingertips on the hem of his garment, but she was instantly healed. The story showed that even if Jesus wasn’t paying attention the power still emanated off of him in waves, saving those who had purity of heart and righteous wishes.

These stories of Jesus are contradictory on the surface, but they go hand in hand to explain the character of the man known as the Son of God. He wasn’t some hellion who used his brawn to force people out of someplace for kicks. He was instead a man who had strong beliefs and the will of God backing him up, a holy terror when something of this world incensed him. This same man was superhuman, but only used his power when it was to right a wrong. Sounds like some guy.

If Jesus was indeed God made flesh and bone, then he was the perfect mix of power and mercy. Unlike the God of the Old Testament, the so-called “King of the Jews” was a gentle giant who used stories as lessons to hopefully help those around him, and through the Bible, to help those for generations to come. If God was the stern father who destroyed the world with a flood, Jesus was the wandering son who had more wisdom than people could see at the time.

love-like-jesus1

That’s usually how it works, right? People are blind at the time, but later their vision is 20/20, hindsight conquering all blind spots they previously had. Jesus was like that. After he was put to death, was resurrected, and returned to heaven, after the earthly access to him was gone, that’s when people began to study him, to observe his teachings, and to properly revere him. And others like him have suffered similar fates throughout the years, never honored until it’s too late.

But for Jesus it was never about accolades, if his teachings are to be believed. It was always about love. Love makes the world go ’round, doesn’t it? It’s not this romantic love that is so popular these days, though. It is the love for our fellow man (and woman), that he espoused so long ago, and that still remains a missing piece for so many of us today. The love of Jesus was perfect in its all-encompassing ability to bring everyone in. Yes, even those moneylenders who he chased out of the temple, he inspired to bring love back with them when they returned for services, not for business.

I imagine if Jesus were alive today he would speak of imperfect love as the standard. That means recognizing the imperfect nature of our love, but doing the best we can regardless. Because while everyone is not worthy of love, neither are we, and he loves us anyway. That’s the glory of love like Jesus’ love, and even if we can’t match it, we can certainly emulate it, and he can do the rest.

You know, if you believe in things like that.

Sam

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fallinginloveThere is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. When my wife first told me she thought she was falling in love with me it carried so much more weight than a simple “I love you” ever could.

There’s just something about the process of being in love that is dynamic, that is special in so many ways. I liken it to making love a place, a room, a safe haven, but not just anyone can enter. Only those who have a key can get in, and then the two of you are IN love, and it’s perfect.

Okay, so it’s not quite perfect. As I’ve said before, love is not some flawless thing that you can set down on a shelf and admire. It’s a living, breathing thing that needs just as much attention as another person would. Being in love with someone means taking the time and the energy to understand what being in love with them means.

Being in love means compromising. It doesn’t matter how in sync the two of you are, there are always issues, some big and some small. Every single issue matters, because it’s often the ones you initially categorize as small that can tear you completely apart. That means spending time hashing things out early on. If you know you’re in love with them then it should be a labor of love to sit down and figure those things out.

I can love you like a brother, or a sister, and that’s swell, but when I’m in love with you it means we are in this together… until death do us part. Why beat around the bush? If the feeling is mutual, if the two of you are in the same place, why not make that ultimate compromise and join together in holy matrimony? Now, I know it’s a human construct, but the joining of two souls is precious. When you’re in love that should be the goal, right?

And this business about falling out of love, it’s all horseshit. You can’t fall out of love with someone. If you can separate yourself from them then you were never truly in love to begin with. Maybe you loved them, but you weren’t in love with them. Perhaps you were in love the-truth-is-we-are-not-afraid-of-being-in-love-we-are-only-afraid-of-not-being-loved-in-return-quote-1with the idea of them you created in your mind. That happens way too much in this day and age. We get these ideas in our heads of who people are supposed to be, and we see them through this haze… until we don’t anymore, and everything falls apart.

Being in love means communicating early and often. It means giving the other person more of yourself than you ever thought was possible before. It means being more vulnerable than you’ve ever been. And sometimes being in love means understanding that you might be the only one in that place. That’s hard to fathom, that we could fall in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same, and yet it happens all the time.

Sometimes being in love means letting go. Sometimes it means pressing down our feelings for the greater good. It’s lucky when the person you’re in love with is also in love with you. Hang on to that feeling. Work hard on that relationship, to keep those feelings at the surface and maintain their deep roots as well. Because it’s the most special, most important, and most spectacular feeling in the world.

Sam

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