A Philatelist in Philadelphia

Mr. Henry Cheeks loves stamps. They are his life. He collects old ones, new ones, special edition ones, ones of Elvis, torn ones, ripped ones, laminated ones (which he laminates himself) and ones that are only good for postage in Czechoslovakia. Mr. Henry Cheeks lives in Philadelphia, Missouri. Most people think that the only Philadelphia is in Pennsylvania but Mr. Henry Cheeks knows better. He has lived in his town of Philadelphia his entire life, all of his forty-three years of existence. He loves the fact that the town is small but shares its name with a much larger one. Sometimes he smiles to himself about this little-known but incredibly interesting fact. Mr. Henry Cheeks has a droll sense of humor.

Mr. Henry Cheeks is a small man. In fact, if you were to walk by him you might not even see him because of his small stature. He once got lifts for his shoes but then it just looked like he was a small person trying too hard. Mr. Henry Cheeks hates to look bad in front of others so he stopped wearing the lifts. He wears a pair of horn-rimmed glasses, you know, the kind that went out of style in the 1960s (and made a brief comeback in the early 1990s). They sit perched on the tip of his nose, almost as if they will soon fall off but they never do. His face is marked from years of acne during the teenage portion of his life. He prefers to forget about that time in his life but the mirror will not let this be. Mr. Henry Cheeks is not a happy man.

Last week Mr. Henry Cheeks received an e-mail about a rare Grenada stamp that he does not have in his collection. He began to salivate thinking about possibly getting the stamp, then he stopped because even though he lives alone he tries to maintain some type of decorum. The stamp cost $300 and even for him this was a steep sum. You see, Mr. Henry Cheeks is a drafter. This means he drafts letters and speeches for famous people. Politicians use him to write their speeches while other celebrities use him to write to fans for them. He makes $200 a week doing this thankless job, but he gets to read letters from people the globe around and write responses to their missives. This job also gives Mr. Henry Cheeks the chance to observe (and sometimes steal) many postage stamps that he previously did not have in his collection. Through the course of his job, however, he was never able to acquire the limited edition Grenada #69 stamp.

The nondescript e-mail arrived in his inbox on a day where he had just sent out letters on behalf of Justin Timberlake, Pauly Shore, and Christian Slater. Mr. Henry Cheeks sighed to himself because sometimes his life seemed like a caricature, even to him. When he sighed his large belly rose and fell with his exhalation. Mr. Henry Cheeks really needs to exercise and he says that he will do it every day. He never does. That day was no exception. His neon green iPad background blinked at him, the sign that he has new mail. He actually does not get much personal e-mail because Mr. Henry Cheeks has no friends. That’s not to say that he sits at home all of the time, but he does sit at home most of the time. Even though the e-mail caught his interest, he was just not able to pay the fee required to acquire the priceless artifact. He deleted the e-mail.

Today Mr. Henry Cheeks sits at his desk drafting speeches for Yassir Arafat and Joseph Lieberman, an interesting combination. The speech for Mr. Arafat will be translated upon arrival. He still thinks about his lost opportunity and the amazing Grenada #69 stamp as he continues his solitary existence as a philatelist in Philadelphia (Missouri, population 1,000).

Sam