Hey Jealousy

It’s more than just the title of a Gin Blossoms song from the early ’90s. It makes people go from mild-mannered to schizo in a span of mere seconds, or over the course of relentless weeks, months, or even years. It kills relationships more often than anything else. Yeah, sure. You were growing apart before it, but nothing sounds the death knell like the big ‘J’. And no, I’m not talking about Jesus. I’m talking about Jealousy.

It is one of the basic human emotions that we tend to take for granted. It’s like love, hate, and gratitude, and it’s as universal as getting a haircut. No one likes it, though. It’s the red headed stepchild of the emotions world, but why? Is it because jealousy makes us doubt ourselves, doubt the people we love, or doubt intentions? Maybe it’s all of the above, or something altogether different. Regardless, it is a monster we must learn to slay before we can move on and trust again.

Too often, people don’t recognize the feeling when they have it. They can see it in others, but when it comes to themselves they are as blind as bats.

It starts with a hello. You see, the Gin Blossoms had something right there. In order to confront anything, we first have to admit that it’s an issue, and familiarize ourselves with what it is, and why it makes us feel the way we do. Too often, people don’t even recognize the feeling when they have it. They can see it in others, but when it comes to themselves they are as blind as bats. So we learn to use our sonar and it shows us more than we ever dreamt was going on in our heads and hearts.

For example, fellas, your girlfriend has lunch with her ex, who also happens to work with her. In fact, that was how they met and got together in the first place. The problem is that she didn’t tell you about it, but he mentioned it on his Facebook wall, and you saw it over her shoulder last night. Do you…

A) confront her about it, all angry and shaking?

B) send him a nasty Facebook message telling him where he can go?

C) completely ignore it on the outside while steaming on the inside, and letting it build up?

D) bring it up in a rational manner with your girlfriend, and talk out your fears?

If you said C then you are in the majority, and that is the major problem with jealousy. We let it eat us up inside, we stew on our own juices and let them corrode our relationships from the inside out, while our partners know absolutely nothing about it. Until we finally blow, and by then it’s too late. Maybe she just didn’t want you to blow the lunch out of proportion if you knew, but you’ll never hear her reasoning if you choose C, or it will be too late even if you do.

You see, the things we create in our own heads to explain things are so much wilder usually than what is really happening. Our imaginations are both wonderful and scary in where they can go and how fast. By the way, if you

Others have their own agendas, but your fears over your relationship are between you and your significant other.

answered A or B, those were also wrong choices. If you’re angry and shaking, odds are you’re not really listening to whatever she has to say. Which makes the conversation pointless. And if you bring the ex into it, that only complicates matters. It’s not him you should be concerned about. Others have their own agendas, but your fears over your relationship are between you and your significant other.

The solution is communication, like with most other issues you can have in a relationship, but remember to be nice about it. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Or at least I think so.

Sam