But What Does He Look Like?

Ladies, remember the last time you were set up by a friend? She was telling you all the positive qualities, like how he’s a brain surgeon, he lives in a condo in the valley, he’s been single for eight months, and just one thought was going through your head the whole time as you nodded along. “But what does he look like?” And the only thing keeping you from screaming it out before she’s finished going through his other qualities is your sense of decorum. So you wait, but when it seems like she’s finally run out of steam trying to convince you of his worth, you finally blurt it out because it’s the most important question you have to know the answer to, and quickly.

Now, I’m not judging you because you want to know what he looks like. I know exactly how you feel, and I wouldn’t ever call you shallow. In fact, of the four initial questions ladies want to know the answers to when it comes to men, that one comes in at number one, with a bullet. So you’re not alone. But of course now you’re thinking of what the other three questions are, and I’ll get to those later (Don’t skip down. Bear with me. I’ll get there).

In contrast to what Andre Agassi would have had you believe in the ’80s, image is NOT everything, but it is definitely still important. As human beings, we have certain aesthetic needs. If you like classic art, maybe you’re a Monet connoisseur, or perhaps you’re more into Degas. If you’re an audiophile, perhaps you’re into Muse, or maybe you’re more of a Radiohead fan. In the same sense, we are born hardwired with a certain attraction for a certain type of person. Now, I’m not saying that this attraction is completely physical, because it’s not, but the physical does have something to do with it. Think about it. Of the guys you’ve dated, ladies, how many of them were shorter than you? How many of them wore glasses? How many of them were younger than you? And the list goes on, with some of those qualities being physical ones.

That brings up the age old question of types. Do we have a certain type? Well, think about how if you were in a dysfunctional home environment growing up, that the odds are increased of you having a dysfunctional home environment later on. And I know what you’re going to say. There is no correlation, you’re thinking. But there is a correlation, and it has been proven time and again. That’s not to say you can’t break that connection, interrupt that cycle, because you can, and many people do. However, my point is that we do have a type, and more often than not, we stick to that type. So what he looks like is very important, which is why you were dying to ask that question.

Oh, I almost forgot. The other three questions are:

2) How much money does he have/make?

3) How old is he?

4) What is his ethnicity?

Question number four is an interesting one to consider, because even though we may not think it’s relevant in our environment today, it still could very well matter. In my previous post, Between Two Races, I address the consequences of interracial relationships, and that does open up an entire different can of worms, so it’s also an important question. Plus, it’s an extension of “But what does he look like?” so it fits in my argument to some extent.

And fellas, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. It’s become a huge issue for the guys as well, because more than ever guys are getting set up by their friends too. We also wonder what she looks like, and we all know guys have types. Are you a leg man? Do you like girls with long hair or short hair? What about her height? And the list goes on as well here. Traditionally, guys don’t care so much about age, but what age has done to her looks instead. So, what she looks like is as important as anything else, and even more important to many guys.

That doesn’t mean looks are everything, but think about it. It’s the first thing we notice about someone when we meet them. She might be the most interesting conversationalist, or the next Oprah, but all we know when we first meet her is if she has a nice smile, what her hair looks like, what color her eyes are. And you know what they say about first impressions. They last. So, if we aren’t physically attracted to her, it may take a long time for her personality to win us over enough to make us re-question our physical attraction. See, that’s the real key. It’s not over, just because we’re not blown away by her looks at first. The personality is a tricky thing, and if she has an amazing one that meshes with ours, we CAN BECOME physically attracted to her. The same is true for you too, ladies, with your fellas. Some of the longest lasting relationships are of this variety.

So, the next time you are thinking that question, “But what does he look like?” don’t worry if the answer isn’t quite the one you wanted. Give him a chance anyway. You might be surprised. He just might be your Prince Charming after all.

Sam