They come with their super-saver coupons, with their laminated discount cards, with their white orthopedic shoes, and with their… ribald tales of sexual misadventure? Well, it’s true. Our elderly population talks just like we do (LOL) when speaking with their friends. Except, 
they often do it louder than we do, so we often overhear their conversations that should have been meant for more private locales than, say, your local Target store. And this is what we were discussing at the water cooler today.
It reminds me of homeroom, actually. You know, in high school. The students all talk as loudly as possible about anything and everything, including who is using birth control, who is going to beat up whom after school, and which teacher is easiest to cheat on. For the discerning listener (let’s say, hmmmm, the homeroom teacher), it would be very easy to take all of the aforementioned information and talk to an administrator, get the students suspended, head off a fight, and even more. But, and the students bank on this, the homeroom teacher is thinking about his own life and not paying much mind to what the students do or say. In fact, Sally hasn’t been in school in a week, but the homeroom teacher has mistaken her for Emily all year, so he has been marking Emily absent this week instead.
Anyway, so the elderly are like that. They talk about whatever comes to mind, and as we do our jobs, we hear them. Sometimes the conversation is about innocuous things, like that new pacemaker, that sewing club, or the latest Danielle Steel novel (in large print). But, other times, it’s about who they think will die next, what kind of stones (kidney or gall) someone has, or what kinds of sexual misadventures the person who isn’t there that day is having. And, I can’t stress this enough, they say these things AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE.
It’s just funny to me that people we would normally pass off as grandfatherly, people we think probably have boring lives, have whole other facets to them. It makes me think of that show “Off Their Rockers,” where these elderly people pull pranks on others. The pranks work because we don’t think elderly people can be deceptive. We pretty much ignore them, just like that homeroom teacher, who still doesn’t know the difference between Emily and Sally. Listen to them for a change. You never know what you might hear.
Sam
Sam's Online Journal 
“They come”– would be better expressed– “Some come”– Being age 74, or is it 75, you miss the greatest attribute we enjoy, ‘senior moments’. Yes, there are a lot of show ‘n tell amongst some of all ages, but certainly by no measure all inclusive. Hearing goes along with age, my right ear often must turn to a soft voice. Maybe ‘some’, as your water cooler crowd proves, perhaps never outgrow homeroom. As for cheating in a relationship– personally it ain’t necessary. One relationship is more than enough to be a part of. To put this in the tune of humor– “One headache is enough, w/o have two or more”. You read in the news what happens when the cheated on finds out– often to put it mildly, fireworks! Think I’ve made my point clear, you need to know the garden variety of people begins at birth until death do us part. Other than all this– I do enjoy your stated LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE musings. Guess we could all use a ‘little keep to yourself’ if it is suppose to be secret, but then what would be discussed of importance at water coolers. 🙂
That’s the glory of the water cooler, hearing all the sordid details of things we never wanted to hear.
Ok, pk, !
The elderly are just people who have been here a bit longer. Just people, humans.
That was exactly my point. It is amazing to me the people who seem to forget that. When I’m that age I will still be me.
Maybe it has to do with labeling and categorizing, as if all those in the same box are identical whereas each human being is in reality an individual. That is one of the divine gifts that makes us specifically human.
I completely agree. Categories have gotten out of hand. It’s the same as generalizing.
That’s what I love about those southern diners where the different eating tables are separated by walls. Those walls are paperthin, they just give you the illusion of being in a private room. The stuff you hear when you’re on the other side… Farts, very often, but also superprivate shit. People are SO FUCKING INTERESTING.