Tag: honesty

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It’s No Good

“Don’t say you want me. Don’t say you need me. Don’t say you love me. It’s understood. Don’t say you’re happy out there without me. I know you can’t be, ’cause it’s no good.” ~Depeche Mode [“It’s No Good”] I’m the king of pretenders, the ultimate “my face is not how I feel” kind of … Continue reading It’s No Good

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Why Guys Cheat

cheaters_car-13287Uh, because they’re stupid? I mean, I don’t want to dumb it down for you, but at its core that’s the honest-to-goodness truth. Look at the “good guys” out there and you’ll notice a recurring theme. Most of them are happy. They are expressive with their significant others. They smile more often than not. That comes from being fulfilled in their relationships, and it’s pretty obvious to spot. The guy who spends so much time complaining that “his woman” makes him do this and that, that’s the stupid guy who is probably going to cheat.

  • Cheating takes two people.

I’ve heard that one enough times, and it’s absolutely true. It takes the cheater and the cheatee (the person being cheated on), because obviously something is missing from their relationship. When your relationship is fulfilling your needs, there is much less temptation to look across to that green grass that you might think is greener than yours. And the issue that comes up most often when needs aren’t met is that the person feeling slighted goes elsewhere to get those needs met. When of course what needs to happen is communication, but for some reason the cheater communicates with others instead. That creates a bond that just spirals out of control after the fact.

  • Why buy the cow?

This has always seemed like a rather crass phrase to me, one meant to trivialize an important fact: that many people simply don’t want to take responsibility for themselves and for their own actions. And it goes beyond sex, but to emotional connections outside of sex as well. If there is someone willing to connect with you either physically, emotionally, or both, and that person is not your significant other, ask yourself one question. Would you feel comfortable talking about what this person does for you to your significant other? If the answer is no, then you’re drinking milk, my friend, and there is no cow in sight. Continue reading “Why Guys Cheat”

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realisticlove.com

okcupidWouldn’t it be refreshing to see a dating site where people had to tell it like it is instead of being able to lie about every little thing?

I’m a 65-year-old, balding man with a predilection for scratching myself often, whenever the mood strikes. Been engaged five times but none of them ever turned into marriage. Got eight kids, though, by six different women, none of whom I’m on speaking terms with now. But I’m a good catch, so inbox me for more details. Oh, and the photos of me are all selfies done yesterday in good lighting so you can clearly see my beer gut. And I’m broke, so if we get together you’re paying.

I would kill to see a site like that out there. I mean, maybe there’s someone for this guy who doesn’t mind all the issues and who would give him a chance anyway. I often hear people talk about how they don’t judge others, but maybe that goes for everything except love. If there was a site called realisticlove.com perhaps no one would ever find love there, if everyone was like the guy above anyway.

Of course being completely honest about ourselves online is more difficult than roping a bull in a kitchen. Because having the screen between you and the other person makes it so easy to fib just a little bit. You have a large mid-section… just say you’re “full-figured.” You wear huge pop-bottle glasses… ditch them for the already airbrushed photo. You are already in an unfulfilling relationship… just type “single,” and when you find someone else willing to tolerate you, that’s your exit.

I’m a 24-year-old girl with a thick mustache and chronic halitosis. I’m huge into knitting, and I snore like a tractor running over rocks. I can’t go out into the sunlight because my skin is way too sensitive for that, and I live on a steady diet of snails imported from Israel. They’re wicked expensive, but my mother, who I still live with, pays for them with the money she gets from selling her foodstamps to the couple who live in the box. If you want to get together sometime I am free whenever. Hit me up.

Continue reading “realisticlove.com”

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Asking the Tough Questions

thNever ask questions if you aren’t prepared to deal with the answers.

I don’t even remember where I first heard that, probably on some lame, cliche-filled TV show or right after a pregnant pause in a dramatic film. But isn’t it true that some of the most poignant turns of phrase show up in the oddest places? With great power comes great responsibility anyone? Luckily for me, I honestly don’t care where it comes from, if Alvin and the Chipmunks said it, or if it came from Al Gore, or even if it’s a catch phrase for Joey from Friends. I take every single one that interests me and I analyze it to see how it could be applied to my life, then I share what I’ve learned with others.

Question #1: Where is this relationship going?

This may surprise you, but before I got married the first time the longest relationship I had been in was a year in length, and three months of that time were spent estranged. So the question was indeed very valid for me. Was I ready at that point to analyze a relationship and see if it could be long term? Or was I just in it for the fun and excitement that came from being with someone new, and then with someone else new, et al. Honestly, my answer to that question back then was always, “This relationship is status quo, which is good enough for me.” It’s no wonder my relationships lasted such a short amount of time.

Question #2: Where do you plan to be in five years?

It’s not as easy a question as you would think. So much happens in the course of life that five years can be an eternity made up of a series of shifts and changes that define and redefine who we are. If you had asked me the question five years ago I highly doubt I would have said I would be here, doing what I’m doing, thinking the thoughts I’m thinking. I know I wouldn’t have said I’d be here writing a blog right now. In fact, back then it was all about writing for myself, and not sharing with others. And the big problem with plans is that we have a tendency to try and fit our lives into those plans and then to judge ourselves on whether or not we hit our objectives. Continue reading “Asking the Tough Questions”