Why Guys Cheat

cheaters_car-13287Uh, because they’re stupid? I mean, I don’t want to dumb it down for you, but at its core that’s the honest-to-goodness truth. Look at the “good guys” out there and you’ll notice a recurring theme. Most of them are happy. They are expressive with their significant others. They smile more often than not. That comes from being fulfilled in their relationships, and it’s pretty obvious to spot. The guy who spends so much time complaining that “his woman” makes him do this and that, that’s the stupid guy who is probably going to cheat.

  • Cheating takes two people.

I’ve heard that one enough times, and it’s absolutely true. It takes the cheater and the cheatee (the person being cheated on), because obviously something is missing from their relationship. When your relationship is fulfilling your needs, there is much less temptation to look across to that green grass that you might think is greener than yours. And the issue that comes up most often when needs aren’t met is that the person feeling slighted goes elsewhere to get those needs met. When of course what needs to happen is communication, but for some reason the cheater communicates with others instead. That creates a bond that just spirals out of control after the fact.

  • Why buy the cow?

This has always seemed like a rather crass phrase to me, one meant to trivialize an important fact: that many people simply don’t want to take responsibility for themselves and for their own actions. And it goes beyond sex, but to emotional connections outside of sex as well. If there is someone willing to connect with you either physically, emotionally, or both, and that person is not your significant other, ask yourself one question. Would you feel comfortable talking about what this person does for you to your significant other? If the answer is no, then you’re drinking milk, my friend, and there is no cow in sight.

  • We’re in two different places now.

If that is indeed true, then why stay together when you’re already “apart”? Honestly, too many people will use this excuse to try and justify their extraffairs when it is really no excuse at all. You have two options if you think your relationship is straining against itself. Figure out together how you can get back the connection or admit that it’s impossible and get out of the relationship. Too often the lack of communication leads to both of you being unhappy, and nothing good comes from two people being shackled together who are unhappy. One or both will seek happiness wherever they can actually find it.

  • She’ll never know.

cheaters_1Cheaters have a tendency to tell themselves this lie, and cheatees delude themselves into not seeing what’s right in front of their faces. If you could absolutely get away with anything you wanted to do, even if it was illegal, would you do it? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? This is the same scenario here. Even if she’ll never know, you’ll know, and can you live with that duplicity? Doesn’t that change things irredeemably? I mean, if you can lie about something so fundamental, what else will you now lie about? So many questions, and no good answers.

The longest lasting relationships are ones where each person in it feels valued and communicates feelings effectively, whether or not those feelings are positive ones. Strong relationships can get through those times and issues, as long as the lines of communication remain open. Once that breaks down there are honestly no holds barred. It becomes a descent into the murk of dishonesty, which is where cheating lives. And those people who tell you that cheating is just physical are kidding themselves. When we get emotionally involved with another person and we communicate with them intimately that’s also cheating. And until we wrap our minds around that simple fact we will continue to be delusional.

And to me that’s just stupid.

Sam

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2 thoughts on “Why Guys Cheat

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  1. I agree with everything you said here, but why target only men? I personally was on the receiving end when my wife of 28-years cheated on me causing our marriage to end. I think the worst result that comes out of cheating is a loss of trust for future relationships. In all the broken relationships I’ve been witness to, I’ve noticed an underlying factor, which is that there was usually more than the two cheaters involved. There was always at least one person prodding the cheaters along. I’ve also noticed that most cheaters wind up cheating again on their new spouses.

    Cheating in a relationship is an indication of weak character, morals and self-control. It is also a disregard for other family members like kids, friends, relatives, etc. Once a person becomes labeled a cheater, their trust value diminishes greatly amongst those who are closest to them.

    I believe the majority of people who cheat on their spouses do so for physical gratification.- SEX. I’ve known men and women who cheated that were married to or dating very attractive people, were financially secure, but they still went out and cheated.

    So what does that say?

    The cheater’s world is a sad one and one that promises no future happiness. It is one absorbed in self-centeredness and physical gratification. After the thunderbolt fizzles out they going looking for a new one.

    Good post!

    1. Just a quick note. I wasn’t only targeting men. I just didn’t like the way “People” sounded in the title, and I can’t stand using he/she as my pronoun throughout. It’s just an aesthetic thing, but I completely agree that women cheat just as much as men do. I think perhaps the culture surrounding the men who cheat is so pervasive though that the women who cheat don’t get nearly as much inch-space, if you know what I mean.

      For cheaters, I agree as well. They really are looking for the “next big hit,” and they will keep on going looking for it. That’s why it’s so true what they say. If he/she will cheat on someone for you, why won’t he/she cheat on you for someone else? It makes sense. Newness fades, and if there isn’t something solid underneath it’s just like quicksand.

      Thanks for your reply!

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