Upon My Death

Upon my death I want the stars to fall from the sky. I want the moon to turn red, angry at the injustice of it all. I want tears to flow like wine, and grief to be so heavy, so widespread that everything stops for a heartbeat to contemplate how things can go on when … Continue reading Upon My Death

Tell No Tales

“Our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them.” ~George Eliot The ditch was huge, an entire town’s worth of real estate under sea level, testament to what twelve men, a pickax, and five shovels can do under duress. To fall into the ditch was like dropping from a two story building, … Continue reading Tell No Tales

Brevity of Life

Why do you think it takes someone dying for us to finally realize the brevity of life? I mean, we can be blissfully ignorant most times, can’t we? Someone we’ve known for our entire lives is someone we’ll know for the entire rest of our lives, or so we think without consciously thinking it. It’s … Continue reading Brevity of Life

This Mortal Lament

Remember me in a sigh Left behind in shadows And inside closed rooms In these echoing vibrations Native to someone else Vibrant like melodies These shifting frequencies That I cannot escape Even from the grave Honor me in a scream Crashing like waves And slamming into shore Eviscerally gutting Leaving nothing inside In this encompassing … Continue reading This Mortal Lament

Wanting to Die

kurtcobainperformance_638_0“No one wants to kill themselves. It’s simply a by-product of wanting to die.” ~Anonymous

I’ve long said that I have no idea what goes through the minds of people who commit suicide, but I think now that perhaps I do. It’s not much more than goes through the mind of anyone else who’s had a bad day, who’s had a series of bad days in a row, and who wants relief from them. It’s not much more than goes through the mind of anyone else who feels left out and misunderstood by others, who wants to be accepted by their peers, and who has been depressed for one reason or another. It’s not much more. The only difference is the end result.

The difference between wanting to die and actually attempting suicide can be as simple as one day where no one says hello, that tipping point that by itself seems small but that added onto the overwhelming list in the person’s mind becomes monumental.

Death is glamorized in today’s media too, what with the love of vampires, zombies, and various other undead creatures in books and movies, and the songs about dying early that seem way more prevalent these days than they used to be. When someone is already depressed and seeking ways out, seeing or listening to something that praises death can’t possibly be a good thing.

“And I swear that I don’t have a gun. No, I don’t have a gun. No, I don’t have a gun. No, I don’t have a gun.” ~Kurt Cobain

And having friends or a loving family doesn’t necessarily preclude someone from being a candidate for wanting to die either. How often have you been shocked by someone who has committed suicide because they seemed so outgoing, because they had so many friends, or because they had a loving family? No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, or behind the eyes of each individual, and who are we to judge someone’s happiness? Too many people are too good at pretense, which is so sad when that pretense does what it’s meant to do, namely lull others into thinking they’re okay. Continue reading “Wanting to Die”