Starbucks Orders

l

Every time I walk into a Starbucks I know exactly what I’m going to order — a cup of coffee, regular coffee, in the Venti size. Oh, with room for cream. I have always done so, and I will probably always do so, every single time I walk into a Starbucks. But I can’t just leave it there. I always feel the need to mess with the employees (baristas, whatever) by staring up at the board and feigning indecision, by hemming and hawing as if I’ve never been in a Starbucks before.

Barista: Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get for you today?

Me: Uh. Um. Do you have a regular coffee?

Barista: Well, we have many different varieties of coffee, as you can see on the board.

Me: But, do you have just regular coffee? You know, like I would make in my Keurig at home?

Barista: Sir, this is Starbucks. We have many different kinds of coffee.

Me: So… uh, I just want a regular coffee, in the, um, small size.

Barista: We carry Tall, Grande, and Venti, sir.

Me: But if this was a regular cafe, which one would be a small?

Barista: I guess that would be the Tall.

Me: But Tall sounds like it would be ginormous. I don’t want a ginormous cup of coffee. I have a tiny bladder. I want small, and I know they rhyme, but you get it, right?

Barista: The Tall is just like a small here, sir. [He says, showing me one of the cups. The line behind me is getting restless because they all know their orders.]

Me: So, if I just tell you I want a regular small coffee, can’t you just translate it into whatever language you use here and get me a regular small coffee? Like the kind that I can make in my Keurig at home?

Barista [to the other barista behind the counter]: Regular coffee. Tall.

Me: Now, that wasn’t too hard, was it?

I’m nearly certain he spit in my coffee when I was looking down at my phone, typing in this conversation so I wouldn’t forget it. But damn, that was so worth it.

Sam

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Starbucks Orders

Add yours

  1. Translate– 🙂
    It takes me like five minutes to pronoucne the whole thing when I order. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been there, though. Only at the airport.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

greengatephoto

A great WordPress.com site

Cozy Corner

A Writer's Journey

Whose Wine Is It Anyway?

Exploring life, love, lifting, and (almost) literally everything else, frequently aided by laughter and libations

Dr. K. L. Register

Just a small town girl who writes about Christian stuff.

Sara Furlong

Strategic freelance writer specializing in online content, articles, web copy, & SEO.

Bree Paige

Bree Defined

%d bloggers like this: