Month: May 2014

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My Two Moms

There was a show in the 1980s, called My Two Dads, about a 12-year-old girl who somehow came to live with two guys she happened to call “Dad.” These two fellows couldn’t have been more different from each other, with the one a sensitive artist and the other a staunch businessman. But neither knew who … Continue reading My Two Moms

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Dirge

The sound of feet shuffling Slipping on mossy rock Blindly forging onward Through sand and shale To reach their hidden home The feel of rough stone Pressing against soft skin Exhaustion creeping in While they weep and moan Knowing tomorrow is lost The grooves are jagged Cut into the faded rock Gripped by rough hewn … Continue reading Dirge

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Chatting With Lexi: On Prejudice

racism prejudice 2I happened to be skimming through my Facebook newsfeed one day when Lexi comes in the room and glances at my screen. Luckily none of those swear-happy memes were up on the screen, but unluckily it was a large photo of a certain basketball team owner who said some horrible things about a particular group of people. I was hoping that Lexi hadn’t seen the photo and wouldn’t ask about it, but then again, on some level, I wanted her to ask. Because it’s never too young to learn the truth about some people, and to help sort out some questions she might have.

And boy, did she have a lot of thoughts on the subject.

Lexi: Who’s that guy? He looks really old.

Me: That’s the owner of a basketball team.

Lexi: Wow, so he must have a lot of money.

Me: Yes, he does, but that’s not why he’s in the news.

Lexi: Why is he in the news?

Me: Well, he said some bad things about people.

Lexi: What did he say?

Me: Just some really bad things about black people, and everyone is upset over it. That’s why he’s in the news.

Lexi: Wait. Don’t black people play basketball?

Me: A lot of people play basketball, but yes, black people too.

Lexi: So, if he likes basketball why would he say bad things about people who play on his team?

Me: That’s the point, Lexi. Lots of people have thoughts like that about particular groups of people. They just don’t say it out loud. But just having those feelings is wrong, whether or not you say them out loud.

Lexi: Yeah, if I didn’t like somebody I would just say it.

Me: But you would have a valid reason for not liking them, right?

Lexi: Yeah, like with Emma*, if she pushed me I wouldn’t like her.

Me: Right, but black people never did anything wrong to this man. He just doesn’t like them for whatever reason. That’s wrong, to hate one group of people like that.

Lexi: I’m black. Continue reading “Chatting With Lexi: On Prejudice”

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Baggage Claim

emotional-baggageWe all have baggage, don’t we? But it’s not like luggage that we tag and hope gets to the same destination that we do. Our baggage is something we can’t help but carry along with us, whether we want to or not, and it stays with us. What we choose to do about that baggage is up to us, though, if we let it drag us down, or if we learn from it and become better about not accumulating more baggage.

I know I personally have a lot of baggage myself, and most of it has a lot to do with how I see myself today. When I was younger I tended to blame pretty much everyone else in my life for my opinions of myself. They told me I was a certain way and I internalized that, thinking it was true and creating my own baggage in the process. I was a nerd. I was too short. I was awkward around others. I was, in most respects, a basket case. Because I chose to believe others.

There was an episode of How I Met Your Mother that treated this idea in a wonderful way, by showing people with actual labeled baggage that they were physically carrying with them. How great would that be? When we first met someone we could see that they have 10 bags they’re struggling to carry, and we can walk the other way. Right? Of course if that were the case, I probably wouldn’t be married now.

baggageYou see, when we first start out in a relationship it’s the human way to dole out those pieces of baggage bit by bit, over a course of time. It’s called “getting to know each other.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it. In this way the other person is able to digest what we’ve told them one at a time instead of getting bombarded with it all at the same time. That’s the only reason they don’t run screaming away from us when we first meet, and why we advance to a second, third, and umpteenth date.

But think about it. One of the biggest issues we have in relationships is that we don’t ever divulge all of the baggage. Continue reading “Baggage Claim”

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So Obvious

Predictable
I think I’m going with… six.

I just realized I’m predictable. You know those people who you see, who just go with the flow and everything always seems to be “whatever” with them? Yeah, I’m not one of them. I’ve never been one of them.

From the start, actually, I guess I’ve been a small bit contentious, and a big bit obvious. I’ve rarely given something new a chance. I would still be eating plain cheese pizza if not for my sister and best friend slipping some mushrooms under the cheese so I didn’t know it was there that one time. When I find a food I like, I stick with it, to the exclusion of a lot else.

Case in point: my wife and I like to get to Pizzeria Uno and/or the Olive Garden at least once a year or so, usually on an anniversary. She often orders different dishes to get some variety and to sample whatever she hasn’t sampled before, or at least not in a long time. I get pizza at Uno’s, and the filling penne pasta dish at the Olive Garden. Every single time.

In fact, I’m the person who others can order for and get it right 99.9% of the time. And it doesn’t just go for food either. When I find a show I like on TV, or a movie that is a particular favorite I will watch it over and over again. My favorite movie — Back to the Future Part II — I’ve seen 32 times. Yes, I keep count. Those shows and movies are like traditions to me. If you ever caught up with me on my birthday you would already know what I would be watching. That’s how predictable I am with most things in my life.

I remember when my oldest daughter was born, the first words out of my mind were, “Thank God she’s not Chinese.” Now, don’t worry. I’m not some Sterling-esque hater who puts down other cultures. I said it because one of the things people sometimes worry about with IVF (we utilized the technology to get both of our children) is that components from people other than the actual parents might have gotten mixed up. My wife — God bless her soul — having just given birth, just rolled her eyes and told the midwife, “It’s okay. He thinks he’s funny because we used IVF.” See. Predictable. Continue reading “So Obvious”