Possession

“See, I know that you may be just a little bit jealous of me. ‘Cause you’re blind if you can’t see that his love is all in me.” ~The Boy is Mine (Monica & Brandy)

Am I the only one who wonders about people who cheat and are then found out? I mean, I hear about it all the time through social media, from the celebrities down to some of my Facebook friends who seem hell bent on letting everyone know their personal business. And most times I read or hear about it there’s this theme of anger towards the “other” person, with a protective bent towards the one who actually did the cheating.

As you can see, even in songs, it seems to work out that way. Yes, you know he cheated, but you still want him, and you’ll fight the other girl in order to make sure he stays in your bed. But why? What is it about these guys that makes you want them so much, so badly that you’ll either overlook what he did, or think that even if he does come back to you that he’ll stop straying? What happens to self-respect in the whole scenario?

It’s called love, or possession, whichever one floats your boat. If it’s love then it’s decidedly one-way, and if it’s possession it might go from one to the other and back again because possession is addictive. It’s like a drug, and once it gets under your skin it’s so difficult to scratch and claw it back out. And it hurts like hell, too, because possession hardly ever exists without a fight in the first place. We fight for what we think we deserve, but once we get it we take it for granted. It happens all too often.

And that’s why people cheat, too, isn’t it? They take for granted what they already have, how special and unique a relationship with one other person can be. They want a variety they no longer look for in their significant others, but they still want the security of that relationship, to have their proverbial cake and eat it too. So they go through the motions. They do what’s expected of them when the light shines on their corner of the world, and then in the shadows they possess someone else physically, and at times even emotionally.

That’s the worst, isn’t it? Physical cheating is horrendous, but if it’s just physical there’s an excuse, right? Still not a legitimate one, but when someone cheats emotionally, when they reach out for another entire relationship when they are supposed to be with you and only you, isn’t that even worse? “They talked all night, laughing and exploring each others’ deepest secrets.” Aren’t you supposed to be doing that with the person you’re in a relationship with?

That’s why so many people who are the cheat-ees confront the cheat-ers’ significant others, as a sign of marking what they believe is now their territory. And they have a point, too, because when someone gives themselves to you it gradually makes you possessive of that person, body, mind, and sometimes even soul. You see, there’s no such thing as having your cake and eating it too. The milk nor the cow are ever free.

People have to deal with the consequences of wanting to possess others, of wanting to get inside of their skin so deeply that you can’t get them out, no matter what you do or how you try to sabotage it for the sake of feeling human again. And being human means appreciating the qualities of others, but we can appreciate without diving headfirst into what can only result in trouble. “Trouble been dogging my soul since the day I was born.”

But don’t blame others when you go there, when you open yourself up to be possessed by another, and then it all blows back in your face. That’s when you only have yourself to blame, and you don’t deserve to be with anyone else until you’ve figured out your own personal issues, whatever drove you to it in the first place, whatever hole you have to fill.

“The night is my companion, and solitude my guide. Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?” ~Possession (Sarah McLachlan)

Sam