Stay the Same?

“The more things change, the more they stay the same.” -Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr

You know, I’ve heard this phrase nearly my whole life, and it seems like most people use it as a good excuse not to change, not to mix up their world and see what happens. Then they’re the same people who complain that nothing ever happens for them or to them, that their lives are boring and commonplace. If you want an extraordinary life, stop complaining and LIVE. Honestly, things stay the same because you don’t do what you need to do in order to change them. And I’m not denigrating others, just telling it like it is. While I’m at it, I do the same thing sometimes, and when I find myself complaining about the overwhelming sameness I stop in my tracks and ask myself what I’ve been doing to change things up. If the answer is a resounding “NOTHING,” then I go back to the drawing board and, to quote Michael Jackson, “make that change.”

Joey McIntyre has a song called “Stay the Same” where he says, “and I hope you always stay the same, ’cause there’s nothing ’bout you I would change.” The song is one of my favorites, but when I sit down and really focus on the lyrics I can see an epic flaw in its design and motive. Life is about change, about shifting and adapting in order to try and thrive in the situation you find yourself in. The world is constantly changing and so we need to change with it or get left behind wondering why everything is so weird. That’s not to say that we need to change the way the world changes. For example, I have a smartphone, something I wouldn’t have even been able to imagine even just a few years ago, but having the smartphone doesn’t change who I am. It just changes the way I interact with the world.

So, back to the song, which I think is supposed to be an endearing anthem from boy to girl, saying that she’s perfect. Being perfect in another’s eyes is all fine and well, until you take a look deeper. In order for someone to be perfect it means they have no faults, but human beings inherently have flaws and faults. If we pretend we don’t see them, it’s not the same as them not being there. It’s just our perception. I’ve found that the best way to approach faults is to acknowledge them, and then work to accept them as being a part of the object of our affection, or discuss them to see what compromises we can reach. Accept the other person for who they are, but don’t pretend they’re perfect or you will put them on a pedestal that they can’t possibly live up to, and things could get dicey later.

“You may not be perfect, but you’re perfect for me.” I like that a lot better than saying that I hope you always stay the same because people grow and change. I don’t understand it when people say as an excuse for a breakup, “We just grew apart.” No, one of you kept growing and changing while the other one stayed stagnant. That’s not growing apart. That’s refusal to do what should be a basic tenet of human nature — change.

But you tell me, “change isn’t easy,” and it’s not. Change can often tear you apart inside and out, ripping you to shreds before it sews you back up in a different configuration. And it can take ages to adjust to that change, to fit inside of the new YOU, but that’s okay. It allows you the change to discover who you are all over again, which is a truly extraordinary opportunity that you should never pass up for any reason. Don’t stay the same. Grow. Change. It’s the beauty of life, so live it.

Sam