Judging Miley

“Damn the club tonight. Let’s twerk it out. Just me on you, from eleven til six in the morning. I know you like it when I do you like that, just twerk it out.” – Usher

I think I twerked once. It was admittedly inadvertent, but I think it still counted. I also remember when Michael Jordan with his tongue hanging out of his mouth was the epitome of cool. Lastly, I had a foam finger once, but my dog chewed it up before I could bring it to a Flyers game, and I’m still upset about that. So, yeah, I kinda sympathize with the former Hannah Montana and her performance at the VMAs.

Obviously it was her first time twerking because her technique was all off. She just needed to drop down a little lower to the ground, but that’s easily correctible. I give her form a 4 out of 10. The tongue was a positive, however, as she got good length to the side of her mouth, just like MJ of old. She even wagged it around, a good trait indeed. 8 out of 10.

The foam finger, though, was another negative for Miss Cyrus. Just when she had begun to redeem herself with the tongue, she had to share the stage with some weird looking guy singing a decidedly blurry song. No wonder she took out the foam finger so she could amuse herself, but that thing was just way too small. She needed a huge body-sized one so she could sit on it. I would have paid to see that. Instead, she wasted some sick dance moves on that nobody who was singing that imminently forgettable song. Call it a tie, 5 out of 10.

All in all, I think maybe things were blown a little out of proportion at this year’s VMAs. All I have to do is have a little talk with Miley, get her some smoother twerking moves, a better dance partner, and a body pillow in the shape of that foam finger, and she’ll have an amazing performance.

Sam