Everybody has a story about a relationship that started out with such promise. You know the kind, where he says all the right things, where she is perfection in motion, and where you know from the very start that it’s going to be your “happily ever after.” And then when everything falls apart you’re standing there looking in the mirror wondering where it went wrong, when if you had really looked at it with an objective lens from the start you would have seen the warning signs. At the water cooler this week, we came up with a list of those signs (and “we” were mostly girls, so sorry to all the guys who are reading this).
* He spends an inordinate amount of time with his mother
Don’t get me wrong, mothers are wonderful people who have done so much for us (usually), but if every single morning, noon, and night are spent in her company be worried. He may be looking for another mother figure in you, and before you know it you’ll be doing everything for him that his mother does now. If he still lives with her too, that’s another red flag.
* He says he’s not looking for a serious relationship
You aren’t going to change him. So, don’t start thinking he’s perfect for you except for this one small thing. If he’s not looking for a serious relationship then somewhere down the line he’ll give you the “But we weren’t exclusive!” line that is meant as a reiteration of the “not looking for a serious relationship” motif.
* He has an awful lot of baggage
If he’s been in more relationships than he can remember, odds are you’re another number on the list. Don’t let his declarations that “Baby, you’re the one I’ve been looking for!” change your mind about his merits or lack thereof. More often than not, this guy doesn’t really know what he wants, and until he figures it out on his own he won’t be good in a relationship, yours or anyone else’s.
* He tells you he’s always honest
If a guy feels the need to tell you this upfront, there is absolutely no way it’s true (and this one came straight from the ladies in the group, one and all). It’s like he’s trying to pre-empt your objection by saying it and making you so happy that you finally found an “honest” guy that you’ll purposely ignore all the signs to the contrary.
* He’s not on the same page as you when it comes to kids
Whether you want them or not, you need to make sure any guy you’re serious about has the same feelings. It can be a real relationship killer to find this out after you’ve progressed in so many other areas. Because if he’s against them and you want them, there is truly no way around it. Remember, you aren’t going to change him. And the same is true if he’s for them, and you know you never want kids. It just won’t work out unless one of you is perpetually unhappy.
* He shares none of your interests
It’s okay to date someone who is different from you. In fact, how boring would it be if you were dating yourself? But when someone is radically different and you literally do nothing together where are the bonds? People often talk about opposites attracting, but that attraction doesn’t last. You need to have at least a couple of interests in common to keep things moving forward instead of staying at a standstill.