Friends Forever

Remember your high school yearbook where everyone, even the people you hardly ever talked to, just had to write in it and tell you how  absolutely amazing it was being your “friend” in school? And you were so excited because even though they hadn’t really been your friend, you knew you would be able to look at the yearbook 20 years in the future and “remember” fondly that they were. Even I have some of those memories based on what people wrote in my yearbooks, even though I hardly had any friends in high school. The famous phrase other kids liked to put down (and still do) is “Friends Forever!” But what did that really mean then, and what does it mean now, 20 years later?

Think about the food you loved most in the world 20 years ago. Got that firmly in your mind? Now, imagine somebody told you that the food you loved then would only be available for another week, and then you would never be able to eat it again ever. What would you do? Eat it as often as possible, gorging yourself on it like it was going out of style, because it was? Stop eating it as soon as you could to try and ease the pain of having to go cold turkey when a week came due? Or eat it just as much as you always did — no more, no less — until it ceased to be available? That’s exactly how your concept of Friends Forever turned out, whether you knew it or not.

First, there were those people who thought they could make those high school friendships last forever by packing in a ton of memories before everyone went their separate ways. They organized the barbecues, the brunches, the parties, and the after-parties one after the other until you felt like you were going dizzy from being so many places at once. Then graduation came, you went your separate ways, and you always have the yearbook thoughts. Then there were those people who disappeared near the end of senior year, completely focused on college or whatever lay beyond, who phased you out because it would be too hard to do it at graduation. Lastly, there were those who stayed exactly as they were until the time came due to separate.

Because that’s what inevitably happened. You separated. And don’t get me wrong, I know there are some people who definitely have friends from high school still in their lives 20 years later who are just as good friends as they were then. I do not negate your experience, but indeed I celebrate it, because it is not the norm. My wife fits into that category, having grown up from a very young age with her best friend, and they are still as close as white on rice, but even she recognizes the rareness of the air they inhabit. So, the idea of “Friends Forever!” becomes more of an idea than a reality. After high school we grow up, and we grow apart, which is okay.

That’s why when you do come together again 20 years later, it’s nostalgia, but it’s also a rediscovery of the people you were and the people you’ve become. And maybe you realize that you were better friends back then than you thought, or perhaps you understand yourself more now and you give someone a chance to be your friend that you never would have back then. That’s where social media can be a great tool to keep up the idea of truly being Friends Forever. The ability to be halfway across the world from each other and to still see each other face to face (Skype, etc.) or to have long, incredible conversations that don’t cost a fortune (unlimited talk through cellphones, or Facebook chat, etc.) is an amazing resource that connects and reconnects.

I was going through one of my high school yearbooks yesterday and I came across just such a missive. “You are such a cool dude, even if you are a wack dog. Stay cool. Friends Forever.” And I wonder if that guy would even remember me now if we crossed paths on the street. But that’s okay. I know what the phrase really meant, and I know the sentiment with which it was written. That’s good enough for me. Right back at you, wack dog. Friends Forever.

Sam

The Friendship Archive