Handling the Boredom: Tantrum City

If I hadn’t already cut all of my hair off, I would be tearing it out right now. I’m a firm believer that patience is a virtue, and I try to practice it in every facet of my life, but right now I think patience is about as far away from me as the moon. Seriously, I need to take some deep breaths. Okay. Better now. I’ll explain.

My oldest child is one of those digital first learners, meaning screens are as natural to her as breathing. So, when my wife and I decided that she and her sister were having too much screen time, that they needed to find time and space to do other things, to be more creative, etc. it was met with a bit of resistance. Our limit on them per day for screen time is two hours apiece, and they understand that. Indeed, Alexa maps out her two hours meticulously. The only problem is that while she maps out the time, and while she will turn off the screen when the time is  up, she cannot seem to find other things to occupy her time.

“Daddy, I’m bored. This house is boring,” she told me about five minutes ago when I told her she wasn’t going to be able to see her mother (who is at work), right about the time the crying fit was in full swing due that fact.

Now, I don’t know about you, but boring is a word that means there isn’t anything to do, and while I sympathize with her on a lot of things, her saying that this house is boring isn’t one of them. We have probably spent in the neighborhood of a few hundred bucks on the toys just in this room alone. And Alexa’s sister, Madeline, is up for trying every single one of them, including all of the games, even the ones she doesn’t know how to play. But Alexa, to her all of those things are boring. And I’m not blaming the screens… who the heck am I kidding? I’m blaming the screens.

You see, everything to these kids nowadays has to be immediate. Talk about not having patience, this is the key characteristic of this generation. They want everything  and they want it YESTERDAY. Her sister is just stubborn, but if you talk to her enough she will try and do something else, even if it wasn’t her first choice. Alexa, however, well, she will sit here and cry until the cows come home, all because she can’t have something she considers fun to do.

And the screens, what they do is trifold. First, there is so much action on them, particularly when dealing with the shows, that it gets kids used to having that shifting of scenes quickly one after another. Secondly, screens have lots of colors on them, colors that shift and coalesce, taking the eye many places at the same time. And lastly, the shows do the thinking for the kids. Sure, there are “educational” shows that are supposed to help teach values and skills, but there are so many others ways to help your kids do that without those shows. And has anyone seen the commercials they put on children’s programming lately? Alexa can quote every single one of them, for every single toy and game. Ironically, though, when we do get one or more of those items she’s been quoting for weeks, she plays with it for a second, then it joins all her other standard toys in boredomville.

So, we limited their screen time, and now we’re dealing with a whole different type of monster, the reaction to the loss of screen time. I spend more time home with the kids in the afternoons so I see more of the mood swings, but it just doesn’t seem right, does it? I mean, when we were kids we didn’t have most of the interactive toys and games these kids have, and yet we were never bored. I remember throwing a nerf ball against my wall for hours on end and not getting bored. Perhaps the problem is that they know what else is out there, so their toys and games don’t seem as cool anymore. Or maybe they’re just of the “on to the next one” mentality, and things just get boring way too fast for them.

All I can hope is that as they begin to realize that this is a permanent happening they will shift their expectations of all other things that don’t involve screens. Maybe they will come back into favor, the baby dolls, the mega bloks, or Chutes and Ladders. My fingers are crossed, as I have come up with an art project we can do in a few minutes. It takes a lot more brainpower, but the results should bear out eventually.

Sam

On Parenting and Parenthood