I had a dream last night and it wasn’t a typical one for me. Well, first let me tell you what dreams I normally have. Usually I dream about horrible things like dying (not death but the act of dying itself). And most times it is me who is dying, for some reason. The dreams also tend to bend the constraints of time, too, because they last forever, the moment being drawn out for effect, it seems. So when I get a dream that’s different from that certain type it is cause for introspection.
I dreamt I was rich and famous, but not like Kardashian famous. Famous for doing something important, but I had no idea then or now what that something important was. Regardless, I was having a huge dinner party to celebrate an award I had just won, and everybody who was anybody had been invited. In the dream I was genuinely happy because it seemed like all of my dreams were coming true.
However, when I called up the stairs for my wife and children to hurry it up to be ready for the prestigious dinner party, I was met with silence. So I went upstairs and nothing was as I thought it would be. There were many rooms on that upper floor, but all of them were empty save for my master bedroom, which had one huge pillow on the bed and nothing more. Confused, I called again for my family and this time I got a response.
A strange man came out of one of the open doorways further down the hall. In my head I knew no one had been in that room only moment before, but I took it in stride anyway. He was wearing a suit and tails, but he also had on a name badge that said “Me” on it. While I found that a strange name, he did indeed look familiar, so I waited for him to approach. He said:
“They aren’t here. They’ve never been here. This whole time you just made them up and it’s time you admitted and gave up the fantasy.”
And I realized he was right. Then I looked into his eyes and was hit with another realization. He really was me, the me I had created to go along with the fantasy family I didn’t really have. Then the doorbell rang, and I woke up.
Now, I am usually the master of dream interpretation, but this one shook me so much that I had to breathe and compose myself before trying to delve further into its meaning. When it finally hit me, though, it hit me hard. My subconscious believes I can have one or the other, fame and fortune or a family, but not both. It is kind of like the Matrix where I am deluding myself that both can exist simultaneously, but one exists just in my dream world.
And you know, I don’t believe that, not really. I think I can have both, but I have to remember what is most important, and it isn’t the fancy dinner parties, or the fame. I’m glad I’m “Me” and when I run into my other self again I’ll recognize him right away because he WILL be me, and my family will be right there with me.
Now if I can just get rid of the “dying process” dreams, things will be perfect.
Sam
Sam's Online Journal 