The Ongoing Debate Over Sex

Too often, guys are the ones who really care about it, even if they’re not as forthright about admitting it. Then again, some guys never stop talking about it, the one thing they have a solid opinion about (other than watching uninterrupted football on Sundays in the fall). On the other hand, ladies don’t seem to have an opinion either way on it. They figure nature will work the way nature works and they don’t have to put so much thought into it. You know, unless they want to paint the nursery pink so they need to know if they’re having a girl. It’s the ongoing debate over sex.

It starts long before the doctor even asks the big question: “So, do you two want to know the sex?” For boys it began the moment we realized we were different from girls. We knew from the start we wanted to have a boy, so we could teach him everything we knew (and were learning) about growing up as a boy. We would warn him of the pitfalls (watch out for those gold diggers), coach his little league team, and give him the sort of fatherly advice we wished we had gotten from ours. Then there’s what drove Henry VIII mad, wanting someone to carry on the legacy. whether or not it’s a good legacy, and the last name. I’ve never understood what it was about a last name that was so important. I mean, so many single mothers have multiple children from different “sperm donors,” and they give the children the last names of these men, so each of their children has a different last name. Why? These men aren’t fit to be called fathers, so why should YOUR kids have their last name?

Statistics show that children who have positive role models of both genders are more secure in themselves, have less trouble in school, and live more productive lives.

Speaking of the mother-to-be, if you asked most women they would tell you they care most about whether or not the child is born healthy. Whether or not it’s a boy or a girl, the mother-to-be will adjust and care for the child as much as is humanly possible. She does hope, however, that the child will have at least one positive male role model, and that the role model is preferably the father. Statistics show that children who have positive role models of both genders are more secure in themselves, have less trouble in school, and live more productive lives. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are hordes of adults out there who came from broken homes, who had no positive male role models, and who turned out just fine. I’m just telling you what statistics show.

I love my sister. When she had her son, and she knew the “sperm donor” would never be a part of his life, she gave her son her last name. I think that speaks volumes about how solid and secure she is as a single mother. With one fell swoop, she made sure that her son would be connected to her, and feel connected to her as his sole parent. And she was also blessed to have several strong positive male role models for him. So, it shows that even though she had a boy, and she’s female, she did what it took to have those connections, to form those bonds, and to have solid males in her life to be a good influence on my nephew.

“I liked the idea of having that sense of wonder and amazement when your child is born and the doctor tells you “It’s a…”

Funny story. When my wife and I found out she was pregnant the first time, we spent more time than anything on the debate over sex. Did we or didn’t we want to know? We both felt like it was an all or nothing proposition, which made it an even harder decision, because we had to, in the end, be unanimous in it. She wanted to know, for many reasons, but the primary one was clothing choices. You see, my wife is all about taking charge of things and being prepared ahead of time. She wanted to be able to store up some clothes and various other items that could be seen as gender specific, and I don’t blame her. We knew from everyone else who had been there before that the last thing we would want to be doing in those first few months was shopping for clothes. But I liked the idea of having that sense of wonder and amazement when your child is born and the doctor (or midwife, in our case) tells you “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!”

Well, after much cajoling and debate, I gave in (as I usually do) and decided to go all in on finding out the sex of our child at our next sonogram. We went there, the doctor got out all of the equipment, and went to work checking all the vitals. At the end of the session, she went searching for the sex of our child. I held my wife’s hand (sometimes gripping it) while the doctor moved and moved that implement across my wife’s lower stomach. Finally, she stopped moving it, turned to us, and said, “Your child is turned away from us, so we can’t tell if it’s a girl or a boy.” Well, that settled it, and I took it for fate telling us we weren’t meant to know before birth. My wife, on the other hand said it was just the child’s way of mooning us to show us how foolish we were for thinking we could find out early. So, when she was born, it was precisely that magical moment I had wished for. But then we had to buy clothes. Eek.

Sam

On Parenting and Parenthood