Friday Top 5: Myths About Women

5. Women are poor drivers.

Sure, you probably know a woman or two who has a lead foot when it comes to driving, who thinks of speed limits as suggestions rather than hard and fast rules. And you know you have a death grip on the door or on your seat the entire time you’re in the car, especially when she takes curves at 95 mph. In fact, any time you’re forced to take a ride with her, you always strongly hype your vehicle as the car to take just so you can drive instead of her. Then she laughs at you and calls you a wimp for going 70 in a 65. But, odds are that you also know guys who are just like that too, and women who would make your grandma look like a race car driver too.

4. Women are emotionally weaker than men.

Just because many women are in touch with their emotions or wear their emotions on their sleeves does not make them weaker. Continue reading “Friday Top 5: Myths About Women”

The “Just Friends” Conundrum

Back when we were five, everyone was pretty much the same, at least where boys and girls were concerned. Girls liked pirates, dump trucks, role playing, and playing rough, just like we did. Our friends in kindergarten were whoever sat near us in class, or who climbed the monkey bars to the top with us, whatever gender they happened to be. Then things changed. We noticed and incorporated differences into our analysis. By the time we were teenagers we began to think of the opposite sex in starkly different terms from the five year olds we used to be. Sexual tension settled in, and it never left. So the question is, can men and women be “just friends” without that sexual tension?

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You have several friends who are not of your gender, and there’s no sexual tension there. If you’re a woman I can definitely see where you would have this idea. Guys are pretty good when they want to be at hiding their feelings. Maybe you met when he had just gotten out of a serious relationship and he really needed someone to talk to. You didn’t know he was rebounding with you because he played the “just friends” role very well. This happens often. Or you just got out of a serious relationship and he was there for you. A shoulder to lean on. And in his mind he is hoping you’ll be over this guy and he can make his move.

If you’re a guy and you think there’s no sexual tension between you and your girl friends, you’re kidding yourself.

If you’re a guy and you think there’s no sexual tension between you and your girl friends, you’re kidding yourself. Most guys recognize it, but they’ve trained themselves to repress it so things aren’t awkward. And maybe she’s unaware of it (as I mentioned up there), so it really doesn’t become a problem.

I was watching New Girl last night, and I find the dynamic one that is very interesting, a girl living with guys, all of whom are straight, and yet no sexual tension was even worried about by any of them until it was too late. This is a recurring theme in TV and in the movies. How many times have you heard about friendships breaking apart and you have no idea why? Usually, that is the tipping point. Somebody made a move, exposed the sexual tension, and ruined the friendship.

Guys can’t be “just friends” with girls to whom they are physically attracted. It’s a fact of life. It may start out as friends, but if a girl is attuned enough, she can tell when he wants more. So, ladies, if you are paying attention (and most people don’t with their friends — mark my words), and you still don’t see interest in his eyes, you know you’ve got a friend for life, and you also know he’s not physically attracted to you.

Women, on the other hand, can be “just friends” with anyone and everyone, attraction be damned. This is because women can compartmentalize so much better than men (generalization alert) so they can usually separate any attraction from friendly pursuits. In fact, women are particularly good at setting up their male friends with their other female friends/ acquaintances. Match makers, watch out!

If they spend enough time together, just the two of them, an attraction may grow, even if one never previously existed.

So, now you want to know about all of those couples who tell you that they were friends first, and that’s the only way to go. And I’ll tell you how that happened. Remember earlier, when I told you about the woman analyzing the vibe she gets from her guy friends? And recall when I told you how she can compartmentalize? Well, she can also act on her attraction if it exists, or in essence break open the compartment. Women are by and large so complex that they can do this in a heartbeat if she sees the potential for a long term relationship. She may also choose to leave it alone, though, preferring the solid friendship she knows she has to the possible romance that might end poorly, and kill that friendship.

Lastly, there are the select few heterosexual mixed-gender friendships where there is no sexual tension. If there is no physical attraction on either side, that can indeed exist. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t saying it was impossible. However, for that to be the case, both of the participants in the friendship need other friends besides each other. Because if they spend enough time together, just the two of them, an attraction may grow (usually on his end), even if one never previously existed. It is the law of proximity. Mark it down.

That being said, I have several female friends, and honesty is always the best policy. If everyone is on the same page, there is no reason to make any sexual tension an issue, and you can finally solve that “just friends” conundrum.

Sam

The Friendship Archive

The Ongoing Debate Over Sex

Too often, guys are the ones who really care about it, even if they’re not as forthright about admitting it. Then again, some guys never stop talking about it, the one thing they have a solid opinion about (other than watching uninterrupted football on Sundays in the fall). On the other hand, ladies don’t seem to have an opinion either way on it. They figure nature will work the way nature works and they don’t have to put so much thought into it. You know, unless they want to paint the nursery pink so they need to know if they’re having a girl. It’s the ongoing debate over sex.

It starts long before the doctor even asks the big question: “So, do you two want to know the sex?” For boys it began the moment we realized we were different from girls. We knew from the start we wanted to have a boy, so we could teach him everything we knew (and were learning) about growing up as a boy. We would warn him of the pitfalls (watch out for those gold diggers), coach his little league team, and give him the sort of fatherly advice we wished we had gotten from ours. Then there’s what drove Henry VIII mad, wanting someone to carry on the legacy. whether or not it’s a good legacy, and the last name. I’ve never understood what it was about a last name that was so important. I mean, so many single mothers have multiple children from different “sperm donors,” and they give the children the last names of these men, so each of their children has a different last name. Why? These men aren’t fit to be called fathers, so why should YOUR kids have their last name?

Statistics show that children who have positive role models of both genders are more secure in themselves, have less trouble in school, and live more productive lives.

Speaking of the mother-to-be, if you asked most women they would tell you they care most about whether or not the child is born healthy. Whether or not it’s a boy or a girl, the mother-to-be will adjust and care for the child as much as is humanly possible. She does hope, however, that the child will have at least one positive male role model, and that the role model is preferably the father. Statistics show that children who have positive role models of both genders are more secure in themselves, have less trouble in school, and live more productive lives. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are hordes of adults out there who came from broken homes, who had no positive male role models, and who turned out just fine. I’m just telling you what statistics show.

I love my sister. When she had her son, and she knew the “sperm donor” would never be a part of his life, she gave her son her last name. I think that speaks volumes about how solid and secure she is as a single mother. With one fell swoop, she made sure that her son would be connected to her, and feel connected to her as his sole parent. And she was also blessed to have several strong positive male role models for him. So, it shows that even though she had a boy, and she’s female, she did what it took to have those connections, to form those bonds, and to have solid males in her life to be a good influence on my nephew.

“I liked the idea of having that sense of wonder and amazement when your child is born and the doctor tells you “It’s a…”

Funny story. When my wife and I found out she was pregnant the first time, we spent more time than anything on the debate over sex. Did we or didn’t we want to know? We both felt like it was an all or nothing proposition, which made it an even harder decision, because we had to, in the end, be unanimous in it. She wanted to know, for many reasons, but the primary one was clothing choices. You see, my wife is all about taking charge of things and being prepared ahead of time. She wanted to be able to store up some clothes and various other items that could be seen as gender specific, and I don’t blame her. We knew from everyone else who had been there before that the last thing we would want to be doing in those first few months was shopping for clothes. But I liked the idea of having that sense of wonder and amazement when your child is born and the doctor (or midwife, in our case) tells you “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!”

Well, after much cajoling and debate, I gave in (as I usually do) and decided to go all in on finding out the sex of our child at our next sonogram. We went there, the doctor got out all of the equipment, and went to work checking all the vitals. At the end of the session, she went searching for the sex of our child. I held my wife’s hand (sometimes gripping it) while the doctor moved and moved that implement across my wife’s lower stomach. Finally, she stopped moving it, turned to us, and said, “Your child is turned away from us, so we can’t tell if it’s a girl or a boy.” Well, that settled it, and I took it for fate telling us we weren’t meant to know before birth. My wife, on the other hand said it was just the child’s way of mooning us to show us how foolish we were for thinking we could find out early. So, when she was born, it was precisely that magical moment I had wished for. But then we had to buy clothes. Eek.

Sam

On Parenting and Parenthood

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: