March of the Plastics

You know, I can’t generally go even a day without hearing something about people being fake. They get together in clumps, lower their voices, and discuss the endless march of the plastics. Usually the conversation goes like this:

Person A: I am so through with him. He’s so fake.

Person B: You said it. You don’t need all that drama.

Person A: But maybe he can change.

Person B: Can a dog change its spots?

Person C: Uh, well, if the spots were put on with water-based markers.

And you would probably not be surprised to know that the “fake” person in question is usually of the masculine persuasion. I say that because guys are generally seen as not very inventive with their lies, and not being able to hide anything. Women are usually the ones who are good enough fakers to be able to pull it off without anyone ever knowing. But, the bigger question is why are so many people (both men and women) faking their way through lives, through friendships, through relationships, and through family interactions?

1. They are afraid of what will happen if they show their true colors.

This one is bigger than anyone might think, the classic peer pressure deal. So many people don’t reveal themselves as they really are because of how other people make them feel. We aren’t stupid. We see what happens to those select few who are brave enough to tell it like it is, and we don’t want to be like that. It’s more than just ridicule too. It’s that we want to be accepted by others. That acceptance means everything, so we feel it’s worth it to fudge a little bit as a tradeoff.

“I’ve learned that you can’t please everyone. So don’t even try it. It’s a waste of time.” -Megan Fox

2. They don’t like who they are.

Wow. This one speaks volumes as well. If you don’t like your personality, your character traits, or your looks, you want to do whatever you can to cover those up. Maybe you cut your hair, you get contacts instead of glasses, or you invent a casual stroll. And why stop there? But, instead of changing who you are inside, you put a mask on when you’re around others. I mean, it takes a whole lot to actually change your personality, but it’s a lot easier to pretend you’ve done so. Then, you can like the you you pretend to be, and eventually you can convince yourself you’re not who you still really are.

While these are the biggest reasons, they aren’t by far the only reasons people are so plastic these days. The problem is that so many people have been faking it so long that they don’t even realize they’re doing it anymore. I know all about it. My problem was number 1 above. I wanted the cool kids to like me so I did what I thought they would like. I was so awkward doing it, though, that they just laughed at me instead. I had become a caricature of what I thought I should be, and in the process I got caught in that loop and lost my true self (which wasn’t so bad, in retrospect).

It reminds of me Julia Roberts, as Maggie Carpenter, in Runaway Bride, one of my favorite characters she has ever embodied. Her major problem, and the reason she always ran away, was that she became a carbon copy of the man she was with. She took her eggs the way he did. She took her coffee the way he did. And not until the weddings did she realize she couldn’t live her life like that. But she would slip right back into those old patterns the next time she met a man. The only way she was able to break the pattern was when someone cared enough to find out what she really liked and loved her for the things that were actually in her personality, not what she projected. As soon as she knew it was okay, that broke the spell. I think that’s how it is with us regular folk too. My wife was able to help me break through those plastic issues I had by showing me that she loved the real me, not the faker.

“There’s a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you’re not one of them.”

So, if so many of us hate being around fake people, wouldn’t that alert the plastics to the fact that they should change their ways? Of course not, because when we complain about it, we’re complaining about the people we know are fake. We acknowledge it, but most plastics haven’t acknowledged that they are plastic, so it goes right over their heads. Imagine if you are an alcoholic, but you think you’re just a social drinker. How can someone convince you that you have a real problem? They usually can’t, because you’re in denial, and it will take an awful lot to change that. The same is true with people who are plastic. Acceptance that they fit the mold is the first step. And the rest comes in time, and through acceptance of others.

We can all do it, but we have to stop judging others, we have to appreciate differences, and we have to maintain our perspective.

Sam