The MC Hammer Syndrome

You all know the story. A famous athlete/singer/actor/musician (in a word: CELEBRITY) retired/quit/took a hiatus (in three words: GOT WASHED UP), and you don’t hear from him for a while, but when you do, it’s because he’s gone bankrupt. Your first thought is, “What happened? Didn’t he make a bazillion dollars? Is this some kind of joke?” And you judge because you know that if you were him you would still be rich. How does someone piss through so much money? And then he has some kind of benefit in his name. It might be a concert or something (the Benefit for Nicholas Cage), and it seems like things are going to be cool. But then, a month later he’s pleading bankruptcy again, and you never hear from him again. This is what I have dubbed the MC Hammer syndrome.

Some of you know what I’m taking about, and if you don’t, then at least you know “U Can’t Touch This,” the epitome of early ’90s rap (don’t tell Vanilla Ice). Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em sold over 18 million units, Hammer sold out stadiums, and he made millions. If it had stopped there, no one would even be talking about his syndrome. But no, he decided he wanted to help out every single person from Oakland he possibly could. Old high school friends, friends of high school friends, parents of high school friends, old Jeb from behind the town diner, and the list goes on. He hired them to work for him, paid them exorbitant funds, and they did absolutely nothing. Then he spent truckloads of money on a mansion, at one point had over 75 vintage cars housed in his huge garage, and that was right around the time his career tanked. You see, nothing lasts forever, and that’s what MC Hammer happened to forget while he was hitting it big.

There are many people these days who espouse the philosophy of living in the now. These people don’t plan for the future, so when the future finally shows up (as it inevitably does) they’re ill-prepared and they fall flat on their faces. But no one can say they didn’t enjoy their time in the sun. Professional athletes seem to be prone to this philosophy more now than ever, because of the ridiculous sums of money they’re paid, and because of the lack of responsibility they can have. It’s almost like they’ve regressed, some of them (not all of them), and eventually it’s payback time.

“The key to avoiding this syndrome is to plan for the future, no matter who you are.”

And, you know, it’s not just celebrities either. For every Redd Foxx out there who ends up having an auction for all of his possessions, there’s a Barry Smith who does the same, and 20 others just like him. Just because Barry’s not a celebrity doesn’t make what he’s going through any less devastating to him. But unlike Redd Foxx, Barry and those 20 others were victims of downsizing. They were making a lot of money as CEOs, and CFOs, which is why they were vulnerable to downsizing. Kill off the big money first. And Barry lost everything because he had major stock options which disappeared when he was canned. And his wife just filed for divorce. Sadly there was no prenup. And suddenly, all that money he had coming in dried up, Sally took half of what was left, and Barry has no prospects. He has fallen victim to the MC Hammer syndrome.

The key to avoiding this syndrome is to plan for the future, no matter who you are. No matter if you’re LeBron James, John Mayer, Jack White, Taylor Swift, or Jason Hummel (the building super), you need to have a real financial advisor who will steer you in the right direction. You need to diversify your portfolio, whether you have millions in the bank or $10 dollars to your name. Spend your most lucrative time socking away money so when it’s not so lucrative you can still survive (and in some cases, still live comfortably). And last, but not least, don’t trust people who suddenly show up when you have money. They’re not your friends, and they won’t help you if anything goes wrong.

Don’t be like MC Hammer. Live in the now, but plan for the future. It’s coming, whether you want it to or not.

Sam