Keeping It Interesting: My Other Special Daughter

Some parents have children who are inherently easy from the beginning. You know the ones I’m talking about. From day one, their kids sleep through the night, they eat whatever is placed in front of them (but not to excess), they are malleable and… easy. These are the kids who don’t make a peep, so much so that you don’t even realize they’re in the room most of the time. And when you’re expecting a child, you hope you have a kid that’s as easy as one of the aforementioned. You cross your fingers, pray to god, wish on some beads, whatever you have to do, to make sure you’re granted one of the “blessed ones.” Then your child is here, in the wide world, and you still don’t know, until that first night… and then you know. That’s how it was with my first child. We brought her home, stuck her in her crib, and five minutes later the screaming began. It hasn’t stopped since (and she’s nearly seven now). Yeah, I still can’t stand those other parents. But I would have it no other way.

Alexa was diagnosed with ADHD, which a lot of people can identify with these days. When I was her age there wasn’t such a diagnosis. There were just labels. This kid or that kid was “difficult.” We usually just blamed it on the parents. They were obviously deficient in their duties, or their kids would be different, would be “better behaved.” Unless you were one of those parents, and you knew better, but there was no way to prove it. Well, now there’s a way to prove it. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is the tag slapped on these kids to explain their actions, we hope they take their meds, and we thank god it hasn’t happened to us. But it did happen to US, and we had to deal with it.

You see, Alexa has an amazing personality. Sure, it can go to extremes, but that’s what makes her different, special, and INTERESTING. There is no lack of excitement when she is around. Yes, she can be all over the place, but it’s not due to a lack of focus. It’s because of hyper-focus on every single thing that is around her. Imagine you’re tuned to five radio stations at once. She can pick up every single one separately and tell you what’s being said on all of them simultaneously. To me, that is amazing, but when she was young I just wanted to tear my hair out. So we did what we do when we don’t know about something. We read all the books we could get our hands on about “difficult” children. How to Deal With Your Difficult Child. What to Do When Your Child is Defiant. Focusing the Unfocused Child. And they suggested all kinds of ways to deal with a child who has issues. We eventually realized, though, that it wasn’t Alexa who had issues. It was us, because we couldn’t reconcile our thoughts and expectations with who she was.

But now we have reconciled those seemingly disparate things. However, that’s not to say we don’t still have problems and frustrations where Alexa is concerned. We have as many as we’ve ever had before, but it’s the way we deal with those frustrations that makes the difference, that’s the biggest change and challenge for us. Instead of saying she’s different and life is going to be hard, we try to find ways to see that difference for a positive, and to help her see that difference for a positive. She’s so interesting, and creative, and passionate about the things she loves and appreciates.

And I would have it no other way.

Sam

On Parenting and Parenthood