I was in the unenviable position of having a father who was a traveling minister (he still is). 
This meant that he was away for long stretches of time, on the road, traveling, going to church after church, in conference after conference, spending so much time away from his family. Don’t think I didn’t notice, dad. But that’s just the way it was, and he is quite an inspirational speaker, don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen his process, how he goes about preparing sermons, and it’s a wonder to behold. I’ve also seen those same sermons delivered, in churches, in tents, in prisons, and in fields and pavilions throughout this country, and it’s also something special. But being him, and being his son are two completely different things, something too many people failed to remember.
When I would travel with my dad, which happened more and more as I got a bit older, I would always be introduced to everyone and their mothers as the next big preacher. I would shake their hands, they would pat me on the head (which I detested), and they would proclaim me the second coming of Jehosophat. I would nod along, laugh when instructed, and proceed to sit in my place of honor at the front of the church so I could listen to another one of my dad’s sermons while everyone around me looked at me to see my reactions. It was so strange, such a surreal time anytime I went with him. And I wore my special suit for the occasion. It was bright white, the better to call attention to myself, but also easier for people to recognize me. When we would go “on tour” I think they honestly passed on this knowledge from church to church. It was almost like we were celebrities, and while I liked it, I did not like the expectations that came with it.
“It wasn’t enough to just be me.”
That’s where the disconnect really began. At first I found it interesting and was even honored by the attention, but once they all started saying I was going to be a great preacher too I started to honestly think about it. And I realized I didn’t want to be a preacher. I didn’t want to stand in that pulpit and speak the words of God from on high. I wasn’t that guy, but how can one person stand against legions who are certain of that fact? I couldn’t, or at least I felt like I couldn’t. So I let myself get swept along with the tide, I let them believe I was the second coming, and I got tangled up in youth church, in theology courses, until I finally said “enough!” It took me long enough, and while I realized that being a preacher was a noble profession, it was also a calling, and I wasn’t called that way, even though so many people believed it to be the case. When I finally shut it down, I know I disappointed so many people, but I realized by then I am not my father, nor do I want to be, so it was okay.
And amazingly enough, the church still has some solid young preachers who really know how to sermonize. I don’t think I’m missed.
Sam
Growing Up Seventh-Day Adventist: Taking the SATs on Sunday
Growing Up Seventh-Day Adventist: Off to School
Growing Up Seventh-Day Adventist: Suiting Up
Growing Up Seventh-Day Adventist: A Different Kind of Brother
Growing Up Seventh-Day Adventist: Divisions
Growing Up Seventh-Day Adventist: Academy Life
Sam's Online Journal 
Im the daughter of a baptist preacher…i can totally relate!
It’s crazy how people get expectations foisted on them, isn’t it? Thanks for your comment, joyful!
Hey Sam! I’m also a PK (preacher’s kid, for the un-traumatized), and I really loved this post. I related to so much of what you said. Although no one ever declared me, for better or worse, the “second coming of Jehosophat,” I know what it feels like to have the expectations of an entire congregation hoisted upon you from a very young age. I agree that being a preacher is a noble profession, but it took me a long time to come to terms with what my father did and how much it pulled him away from his family toward…a higher place, perhaps, but definitely some place other than at home and with his family. Well, if it weren’t for that, my analyst wouldn’t be making so much money off me, hahaha. But thanks so much for the post! Keep it up.
Alison! I know what you mean about keeping your analyst in business. Sometimes I feel the same way about mine. I think I wish my dad had found a way to compromise, but for him preaching the word was always first. I missed him, you know? Thanks for your reply. Oh, and keep making up words. Shakespeare did.
I think you’re actually very brave sharing this story- it shows your honesty and unflappability (I might have just made that word up) in the face of a huge amount of peer pressure. Good on you for following your own heart.
Thank you Anna. Do I want to know why your email address is “slap the pony”? Lol. Seriously though, I appreciate your kind words. It was indeed hard to share, but I know others are going through it too.
Mu husband’s father was a Baptist preacher. He is a journalist, and none of the three kids are now even Baptists. They’re good people and doing good work, but none wanted to go into ministry.
It’s tough. Either you go full into it yourself or you somehow rebel against it. It’s a really tough choice because you know people will be judging either way. Thank you for the wonderful comment!
Growing up, nearly everyone felt pressured to become a preacher. It’s hard to resist it–especially when a part of the pressure is being “special.” Good for you for looking for your own calling, instead of following the calling you were told you had.
You know, I always felt like I would know when the profession was right for me, and I did. Preachers are phenomenal in all that they do, though, and they don’t often get the respect and appreciation they deserve. Thanks for reading!
I have to admit that this post isn’t what I expected to read when I clicked on it. However, I really enjoyed reading. I never thought about what a preacher’s kid has to go through. I’m Catholic, so I’ve never actually seen a preacher’s kid at church. I can’t imagine how much pressure you may have felt. But the fact that you can still respect the profession and those who are in it just demonstrates to me that less-than-positive experiences in religion-related situations don’t have to cause us to close our hearts to our faith. Thank you for your post.
You’re welcome, and thank you for your comment. I never thought of what it would be like to be in the Catholic church and not be exposed to that, so definitely an interesting perspective. Now I’m curious too. What did you expect when you clicked on my post?
Haha I expected disdain. I like to try to understand those perspectives. It’s refreshing to read about someone who is still happy with their faith.
That’s funny, but poignant too. Too many people have negative attitudes and let it affect them for the rest of their lives. We all know people like that. I am glad to avoid that. Thanks for explaining. 🙂
Sometimes, the people who love us the most can get carried away! Its not their fault, neither is it yours. The idea is that you probably are doing more good at your vocation now.
You know, I like to think I am! Thank you for replying!
I think you’re really brave for posting this and even braver for doing what you felt was right rather than what everyone else expected. Seriously, good for you! 🙂
Thank you so much for your kind words!
Ministry is a calling. God doesn’t call all people to the same thing and it makes no sense that a son would be called to his father’s ministry. That’s a human standard and God has no grandchildren. He probably looks at our dynastic leanings as oddly curious. People can be good Christians and powerful witnesses in any profession. Preaching can be one of them, but so can construction worker, nurse, teacher, … well, the list is endless. People who would never walk into a church can come to know the Lord because their buddy at work talked to them about Jesus.
Well put. We ascribe many human standards to god, as if he were a used car salesman wanting his son to follow in the business. Thank you for your comment!
I’m a PK too. Never got any pressure from my dad and was luckier he was home for dinner most nights, although he might go out after. Some folks would ask me if I was going to follow my dad, and I would always smile and shrug, while thinking, “Are you kidding? Have you seen what he has to put up with?” More importantly, like you, I never got the call. And that’s just fine for both us. The best part of church these days? I’m just one of the guys in the pew. Not part of the show. Thanks for sharing.
That is so true. The ministry is a calling and you need to have that. I never did. I was called to teaching, which has its own wonderful results. I have no regrets that way. Thank you for sharing!
It is hard living up to the expectations of not only your parents but everyone else as well. Good on you for realising it wasn’t your calling and moving on. Sermon’s are definitely something you want delivered by someone who felt a true need to do it. 🙂
Don’t get me wrong. I can deliver a great sermon. 🙂 Thanks for responding!
You are brave and honest. Congratulations
Thank you very much. I try to be honest in everything I do and say.
I am a “PK” of sorts, myself. I can so relate. Any function in life, but especially in the church, is a calling from God. I pray you have found your true calling and are able to serve God from that vantage point. 🙂 Not all PKs are called to preach from a pulpit. 🙂
I have certainly found my calling in life. Thank you for hoping so. And thank you for your response.
congrats on finding your own voice. 🙂
Thank you, Veronica. I am glad I did, too!
Hey Sam, Nice post. I’m not a PK but a P. Thanks for reminding me to put the K’s first and the church 2nd & let them follow their own call. Blessings mate
Blessings to you too, Glenn. Thanks for the response.
no probs. keep up the good work
What subject do you teach?
I teach English. Amazingly enough, that was also my major in college.
Great! English was always my favorite and math. Wish this spell check would correct in strictly American English, it marked favorite as an error. Such is live online I guess! I just add it to my dictionary 🙂
One thing I can’t stand is auto-correct. I constantly have to battle with it. Ironic, considering it is supposed to make it easier.
In the long run– it works. Sometimes it catches glaring errors I’ve overlooked… 😉 signing off now.
Did your parents understand?
Yes. In the end they were very supportive of my choices. Thanks for asking!
That’s good – sounds like a good family to be in!
They’re okay.
like just ‘meh’ ?
Exactly, Rutabaga!
Having been raised SDA, grew up with several PKs I totally get it, one of the guys I grew up with caved it after running away from the pulpit, finished law school, passed the bar but he ended taking up the long road. I am sure his dad is happy but the others I grew up with, some left the church, others are still around but you could tell how traumatized these kids were by being raised like this. At the same time, they were cherished by the church. You can’t have it all I guess. I enjoyed reading this and I think you spoke for many other PKs, they are humans, individuals just like all the rest.
Thank you for your kind words. I always loved having to explain what SDA was all about. I tend to think PKs are like child stars.
YES, they are! lol
A lot of people are pressured to follow in the footsteps of parents, but I can’t imagine what it would be like if that parent was a preacher! It’s hard enough to break it to the family that you don’t want to be a doctor, lawyer, etc, but when that “family” is an entire church congregation….talk about a difficult discussion!
Congrats on your courage in standing up for yourself and doing what is right for you!
Thank you for your response. It was definitely a tough choice, one that I knew wouldn’t be popular, but I am so glad I made it.
While I’m not the daughter of a preacher I can totally relate to this. Every female member of my mother’s family is a nurse of some sort and like you there were expectations that I would go onto university and study to become a nurse and work alongside my mother. Like being a preacher nursing is also very much a calling and it was a call I just was not hearing despite having all the “right” qualities to become a good nurse. My mother and I had a massive row over it but are slowly now patching things up (I think me having a child did that for her). As for an occupation I want to be a psychologist and I want to write. I think my mum will be supportive.
On another note, I liked this post and I look forward to reading some more from you.
Thank you so much. As for you being a writer, I very much like how you worded this response. I will have to check out your blog! Thanks for reading@
You describe the PK experience exactly. I’m the daughter of a baptist pastor, and although no one expected me to preach, there are definitely expectations. I think people are too quick to assume, to stereotype and not to look at PK’s as real people. Good for you not bowing to the unreasonable pressure.
Thank you for your response. You’re right, too. Expectations are many when you’re a PK, regardless if the expectations are that you become a pastor too. You are held to a higher standard than others, and that can be in and of itself devastating if you don’t somehow measure up.
Wowwwwwwwwwwww when I read something as solid and tight and concise as this I am just humbled. You are a really brilliant and relateable writer! I can’t wait to read more.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot to me.
Do you have a book?
Not yet I don’t, but I am certainly working on it.
Sweet!
Reblogged this on shell108op.
Thanks for the reblog!
I have seen many preachers groom their off springs to continue their legacy (eg: Billy Graham in USA and Dinaharan in South India and many others) Churches also encourage this if the preacher is so popular.
Preaching and connecting to the people is a special gift given to a few but not necessarily passed on to the next generation. This does not mean that you haven’t got it.
There are many ways to do a good deed than preaching.
You are brave to put your feelings in words and break away from that mold.
Good luck for whatever future holds for you.
Saba
Thank you so much, Saba, for the encouragement!
It’s good you know what you want (or in this case, what you don’t want). Better to halt it now than to be dragged along and find yourself regretting not going on another path instead.
Regrets are dangerous things indeed. Thank you for your response!
Reblogged this on tikahzordin and commented:
(:
Thanks for the reblog!
This is an absolutely awesome blog. The honest reflection of it I think is what is capturing so many to read, reblog and comment. One of the things that I dislike as a Christian is that people assume that based on your intimacy with God or understanding of scripture you are too called to the pulpit. When in fact you are right, being a pastor is not supposed to be a vocation but a calling. I think people escape learning about God in the same way thinking that it is somehow only important for preachers to have a set-aside life.
We are all responsible for our personal relationships with God and you don’t become a preacher because you are related to one, because you look, act like or seem to know the bible the way one perceives a preacher should.
Great post.
Ressurrection
@AJourneyToLove
http://www.facebook.com/ressurrectiongraves
Thank your for your deep response. Indeed, you are right. Everyone should be responsible for their own spiritual lives, and that own personal relationship with god. It is when we try to play at being gods, and judging others for their decisions that we fall down, and that we cause harm.
Nice post. As a son to a man that is both a Priest and a Doctor I can definitely relate to your life. Well said!
Thank you so much for your words.
I’m not in the same situation, but I think most of our parents have their own plans for us. Hurray to the parents who encourages the child to follow his or her own dreams. I hope I did that with my own child.
My husband and I were talking the other night about something along this subject. When I was young I was almost forced into going to church, not by my parents, but by well meaning other relatives. I did and became rather religious growing up until college then broke away, questioning a lot. Both my husband and I have spiritual practices along with experiences but don’t go to a church house. (Actually our yoga teacher told us the word church is from the root Sanskrit word churcha, meaning to talk about God.) In that sense we are definitely church goers. But, my observation and what we were discussing is that so many people who never went to church in their youth are now very ardent church goers.
It is ironic, how that happens. The ones who were so strictly religicized as children leave the church and the ones who had no religious upbringing are ardent. Very interesting thought. Thanks!
Your yoga teacher is a little off. Correct etymology for the word “church” comes from the germanic ‘kirk’ and means “point of assembly”, or something along those lines. I am glad you search for God, however and I pray God searches for you too as I pray God seeks for me.
awesome..I am a first generation christian on my father’s side and feel God is calling me into the ministry. If God wants my son in the ministry than he will be. it is a calling.
I wholeheartedly agree. Thanks for the response!
Hi Sam, As a former Seventh-day Adventist minister, I invite you and your readers to log unto http://notesfromdennisfischer.blogspot.com and check out my testimony entitled “Beyond Adventism.”
I will check it out, Dennis.
Good for you for recognizing that preaching isn’t your calling. It’s difficult to go against what seemingly everyone thinks is right for you, but in the end, you are the one answering the call, not them. Brave man.
Thank you for your reply, Lynn. I am so glad I don’t subscribe to peer pressure.
My boyfriend is an SDA PK, so I can relate to this post. There’s things that I won’t understand from his perspective (although I grew up SDA as well, but from parents who became SDAs after I was born), but I can figure how things go. His parents were never the ones to pressure him towards a certain direction, it was always other people. I think it’s good, but the outside pressure can be tough. Great post, and congrats on Freshly Pressed. 🙂
You’re right, Samantha. Even when you’re raised in the same religion, the pressures can be so different. Thank you for your response, and for the congratulations. I am very proud to be Freshly Pressed.
I think it takes courage and a lot of will to give up something that’s been thrust upon you. Finding one’s passion, building upon it and sustaining it is tough. But doing something for a long period of time because its the “right thing to do” or was “expected from you” is tougher. Because there’s a lack of conviction. Success may come your way but one fails to gain a sense of accomplishment. #TrueStory
It’s that sense of accomplishment that is most important, knowing you’ve done something you’re proud of, that you want to do, and that gives you a sense of success that you can never get otherwise. Thank you for your response!
You are right, it IS a calling. And the calling is from our Lord Jesus, not anyone else. May He lead you to fulfill your fruitful calling!
Thank you for your kind words, Sam. I truly appreciate them, and you’re RIGHT. No one else can say what your calling is.
I am very glad you didn’t stick with the choice that wasn’t for you; i had also followed my father’s footsteps (in a very different filed but still), and i am also very glad i gave up in time – it was, still is, his vocation, not mine. That being said, my first neighbors are 7th Day Adventist and albeit i am of a different religious affiliation, from time to time i go to their Church when they have events for “friends”… It’s really nice – and it’s true that preachers are quite inspired. 🙂
Our choice is just that, our choice. If we ever let others make those choices for us, we live to regret them, and what we really should be doing goes by the wayside. Thank you for your response!
Better to follow your heart and be yourself rather than someone else’s idea of who you should be.
Exactly! Thanks for the reply!
very interesting post
Thank you very much Alyce. I will be sure to read your blog as well!
Thanks for your reflections. I pray you discover your true calling.
Thanks for the reply. I have indeed found my true calling. Now if only I could make a living as a writer!
Good for you, Sam! I hope your father was understanding. There’s nothing worse than finding yourself stuck in a life that you want nothing to do with.
Thank you. My father understood, which was a very good thing.
…and what did call you? I’ll have to check out your journal to find out… Kudos to you for finding your own path!
Yes, please check it out!
Great post.
I am tall, everyone said basketball….but with bad arches, limited coordination, and more limited interest I figure out early in life, the teams didn’t want me almost as much as I didn’t want them, but I tried and the resulting failure, I am sure is one of those things that taught me it is okay to quit if you’re in it for the wrong reason.
Funny thing! I mean, I have had the same issues too (I am also very tall). People still ask me if I play ball! Thanks for the response!
I suspect if Rembrandt had any kids, people expected them to be able to paint, because their father could. Kudos from another PK (not quite the same as a Missionary Kid (MK)).
Thanks for the response, and I’m sure you are exactly right. I have known a few MKs, by the way, and they say the pressure is tough for them too, having grown up in that environment.
Thanks for pressing this Sam… I’m a PK and “shut it down” early on, but the main point is/was from your post was we are not our fathers, we can admire and respect their lives, careers, and ministries, but no, we are not them. Timely.
I definitely respect my father’s calling, so I’m glad you got my point. It’s amazing how many people can relate, even when they’re not PKs, but PKs have another level they can relate on, so it’s great to hear from you. Thanks for reading and responding!
Hi Sam, good for you. I am curious though, how old were you when you finally wriggled out of the straight-jacket of expectation? Also how is your relationship with your father now? I salute your courage!
I was 20 at the time, and my relationship with my father is strained right now, but for other reasons. Thanks again!
Sam, thanks for your reflection. I too am a Pastor’s Kid. I also remember people’s smiling questions, “So, you gonna follow in your daddy’s footsteps?” Oh how I hated that question. The reason I hated it was that I did feel called to ministry. And indeed, I am a pastor myself today. But what made me go into ministry was not that my dad was a pastor, but that I was called by God into ministry. I thought that part of your blog was the most insightful. Sensing God’s call amidst the flood of expectations and pressures from ‘outside’ is difficult. I almost missed God’s calling because I was so annoyed everyone expected me to have it. I often wanted to show them wrong just out of spite. I believe God’s call occurs at the intersection of external affirmation AND internal conviction. If one of them is missing then it isn’t God calling.
I have two children of my own, two PK’s. I am praying and thinking hard on how I can insulate them from other’s expectations so that they can have the space they need to hear the call of God for whatever life He desires for them.
I am so glad that you followed your calling, regardless of expectations. It’s kind of on the flipside, but expectations affect in many different ways. I am also glad that you’re doing your best to insulate your children from that pressure as well. Thank you so much for your reply.
Reblogged this on empowermentspecialist and commented:
Wow! I Believe That The Most Important Thing In Life Is To Do You. That’s Why God Made Us Unique.
Reblogged this on Jaggi.
Thanks for reblogging my piece! Cheers.
“But being him, and being his son are two completely different things, something too many people failed to remember.” Oh I so get this. Somewhere in the midst of it all there is a general tendency to forget out there amongst the flock. I was my father’s daughter but that never meant ito mply that I would become my father. I guess they were thinking of the second coming, maybe? I’m just glad that my father himself never forgot this one. That’s actually what mattered the most to me. Great post. 🙂
That is always most important, not what everyone else thinks, but what you think. And not what everyone else assumes, but the real support of your parents to make your dreams real.
Other people’s expectations are something aren’t they? I’m a PK, Army brat so every one on post knew who my dad was and what I was and was not supposed to do. So annoying. It wasn’t until we lived off base in a civilian community that I found freedom from that. It’s hard to break out of what we’re “supposed” to be to who we were made to be.
Wow. That’s another level altogether. I mean, being on a base too. That’s a little insular community, and then the church too. More power to you.