Tag: relationships

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What She Needed

His hands always drove her crazy. The way his palms slid smoothly across the inside of her arches sent shockwaves through her brain, every single time. The oils he massaged into the soles of her feet lulled her into a state not unlike sleep, where everything was balloons and cotton candy, a veritable smorgasbord of heavenly proportions. His ministrations tricked her mind into thinking only the two of them existed in the whole wide world, that none came before and none would come after. It was just them, in the moment, forever. Or at least until the half hour was up and she paid him the $50 bucks she owed.

Valerie almost never went into the mall by herself, preferring to do most of her shopping online, like most people her age. It took about two seconds for her to buy a few entire outfits, while still in her underwear, and all she had to do was use her credit card like it was going out of style. That turned out to be her problem, though, when every month the credit card bills would fall into her mailbox and put her into a mood. And of course when she was in a mood over money the only thing that could soothe her was another visit to Nails & More in the mall. It was the only reason she ever went.

Then there was Thad too, the man she was sort of seeing. He reminded Valerie of a hitchhiker who was always thumbing a ride to somewhere new because being stagnant was not in his vocabulary. It always surprised her that she could even call him her boyfriend, but he had allowed it just a few weeks before, and she even changed her Facebook status to mirror the sentiment. But she hardly ever actually saw him — he was always on the road with his band — which made it difficult to rely on Thad for support, moral or otherwise. And she needed him desperately right then.

It had hit her like a sack of potatoes when her boss called Valerie into the office to deliver the news, a surreal experience if there ever was one. Twenty minutes later she found herself wandering the small mall like one of those zombies she liked to watch so much on TV, aimless until she found the one place that felt to her like home. Continue reading “What She Needed”

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Still Water

We fit like puzzle pieces All flat edged in places Bowed out in others Concave in sections Roughly shoved together That predictable reaction With its ebbs and flows Now we are at even tide As stagnant as still water Buoyant like white sand Pressed flatly together Breathing shallow and rushed Braced for a new beginning … Continue reading Still Water

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The Humorist

“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” -William James

black dark text humor quotes funny infographics 1920x1440 wallpaper_wallpaperswa.com_100Girls like guys who are funny, right? I imagine if every female had to take a quiz with a list of attributes they admire on it, a sense of humor will probably be high on the list, but is it really the case? Well, think about it this way: if a guy is always serious, things would get boring rather quickly. But that’s where common sense plays a part. A guy who is never serious would also get tedious in time. It’s all about walking that delicate tightrope between the serious and the humorous.

But, of course, if I knew where that line was all the time, and how to stay atop it without falling, I would be a genius. Most guys also can’t balance that well all the time. So we try our best to read the “signs” given off by whatever females we happen to be engaged with (engaged being a state of interaction in this case). I can’t tell you how many times I haven’t been able to read those signs and some bad things resulted from it, or when I read the signs the wrong way and made a mess of things that way too. In those instances, I just tell my wife, “You knew this about me when you met me.”

Not the right response when the lady’s not too pleased that you’re joking during serious time. Believe me.

I do pride myself on being funny, but that kind of quirky funny, you know the type. I’m the guy who takes the obvious punchline and overdoes it, making the reaction funny, not necessarily the joke itself. I guess you can say I’m over the top in most things I do, but I do have the corniest jokes. Continue reading “The Humorist”

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Water Cooler Musings: On Co-Dependency

codependencyI’ve often asked myself why so many people stay in destructive relationships where they aren’t appreciated or treated as equals, and where they’re often either ignored or taken for granted in some way, shape, or form. And the answer comes back loudly and clearly: because they’re afraid to be alone. So many people will accept so much less than they should because they don’t think they’re worthy of anything else and they can’t face the thought of being by themselves. That was the topic of discussion around the water cooler this week.

Tracy: My sister was with this guy for two years who treated her like shit. He was always talking about how she had to gain weight, how thin she always looked, and how he liked a little meat on his women. It gave her a complex.

Me: No wonder. How did she survive two years with him?

Tracy: He wasn’t like that at first, or at least he didn’t seem like it. I think it came out later.

Yeah, later, when he got more comfortable speaking his mind, or when he figured she was so into him that she would do what he wanted anyway. And for the most part he was right because she didn’t say anything against him when he started railing against her weight and how much food she “should be eating.” As I listened to Tracy talk about this guy, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of loathing toward someone who could treat a woman that way. Then we got down to the source of it all.

Me: Why do you think she put up with it after he started showing his true colors?

Tracy: Well, I think it’s because he looked good, and because she just never was alone, I guess. Not since first year of high school when she got her first boyfriend. That was… eight years ago.

Me: And how many relationships has she been in since?

Tracy: A ton. I lost count after six, and this guy counted as six. But she’s never been alone. She’s with another guy now who I think is better.

But that’s the problem, isn’t it? She can’t stand the empty feeling of not having someone in her life, of doing anything by herself because she’s never learned how to do it. For her entire adult life she’s been in one destructive relationship after another simply because she can’t NOT be in a relationship. For her own sanity. And that’s sad, but she’s not the only one. Continue reading “Water Cooler Musings: On Co-Dependency”

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An Every Day Husband

100_2358Most of my Facebook friends are female, and the three biggest variations of their status updates include how they’re bored, how they’re annoyed, or how they’re frustrated. Usually these statuses involve men in one way or another. Either their husband, or their boyfriend, or the boy they like wronged them in some way, and they’re taking out their ire in the best way they know how, through social media. I follow the conversations generated from those status updates, and usually these emotions are seconded, and thirded, and fourthed (sure, those are all words) by other females who seem to feel the exact same way. “You go, girlfriend,” or “What has your man done for you lately?” are echoed on the walls and timelines of women near and far. Are men really that irresponsible and neglectful? Do we take women for granted the longer they’ve been with us?

So, I decided to look at my own relationship to see how it worked on an individual level. Are there things I do that contribute to my wife being frustrated or annoyed? And the startling answer is yes, but I can’t leave it there. What can I do to make sure that doesn’t happen anymore, or to limit that from happening? So I made a list…

  • Sometimes I am oblivious
  • I lack a certain amount of common sense
  • Sometimes I don’t “sense the mood”
  • I say I’m a romantic but I don’t always do romantic things
  • Communication is sometimes lacking
  • I get caught up in daddy-mode instead of spouse-mode
  • I need to be an every day husband

But what does that mean, to be an every day husband? Continue reading “An Every Day Husband”

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Dating Values

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Don’t drop her.

Why do so many first dates end up without the scheduling of a second? How is it that with so many single people out there women still can’t seem to find a “good man”? Why is the probability of someone remaining single if they’re single by age 30 increasing every year? How can the process of dating be less of a hassle and more of what it was intended to be, a way to meet the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with?

Back in olden times, dating was called courtship, a fancy term to mean that a gentleman picked up a lady at her house, drove her to a nice dinner, had scintillating conversation, and returned her to her doorstep at the pre-approved time. Even the use of the word gentleman to describe the fellow is telling. He opened doors for the lady, pulled out her chair at dinner, and asked her if she was chilled, in which case he would let her borrow his cardigan. And ladies were just that, demure and proper, but not doormats. Ladies spoke their minds in a tactful manner and thanked their dates properly when they were dropped off. Continue reading “Dating Values”