Tag: relationship

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The Language of Things

Every relationship has an originality to it that defies explanation, but it can be seen in the subtle signals, in the secret code, and in the routines that separate the two within it from the rest of the world. No matter if the relationship is a short one or has some longevity there are always … Continue reading The Language of Things

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Capital G

“Well, I used to stand for something. Now I’m on my hands and knees, turning in my god for this one, and he signs his name with a Capital G.” ~Nine Inch Nails You know god, the guy in the sky who looks down over us and says stuff like “It’s good.” From the time … Continue reading Capital G

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In The Queue

wildwatercoveThe park is packed with old men in high-waisted trunks, harried mothers chasing wee ones, and artificially tanned teenagers enjoying a last hurrah before school returns like a drunken sailor getting home at dawn. Water rides loom far overhead as far as the eye can see, behemoths that curve and twist into pretzel shapes, and spit out screaming riders at alternating intervals. Over the PA system Suzanne Vega’s “Tom’s Diner” booms loud and proud as groups of people relax on beach towels and folding benches, reading books, sunning themselves, or eating late lunches.

At the park’s signature ride — the highest enclosed water slide on the premises — the line appears to be a quarter mile long, as excited riders grab their tubes and latch onto the end of the writhing queue. Somewhere near the middle of the line Kara stands impatiently with her single tube in hand, her face red in spots where she has forgotten to apply sunscreen. She keeps looking behind her as if something will appear if she turns around enough times. Nothing appears.

Ben is two spaces ahead of Kara in line. He also carries a single tube, and it is at first unclear if the two even know each other. Ben stands listless as he stares straight ahead. In front of him in line are two girls, probably 16 or 17 years old, the one blonde and the other brunette. When she’s not looking behind her, Kara is looking ahead, scowling at the two girls. The brunette wears a stylish swimsuit cover-up, but the blonde has on a barely there bikini that reveals more than half of her tanned posterior.

“Stare a little harder, Ben,” Kara says under her breath, punctuating the comment with a drawn out sigh.

From behind a short, squat girl, who also has red spots on her face, shows up carrying a double tube and breathing heavily. Kara doesn’t take her eye off the blonde as she acknowledges her friend by taking one of the tube’s handles. When the other girl spots Ben ahead of them in line she smiles, an ingrained reaction that quickly changes when she too notices the blonde. Continue reading “In The Queue”

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The Absence of Her

I still think of her sometimes, even seventeen years later. She comes to me in dreams every few months, looking just as she did then, with a questioning look in her eyes, before fading away yet again. But she also slides into my thoughts in the daytime hours, while I’m doing mundane things, like driving … Continue reading The Absence of Her

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Hitting the Heartbrakes

couple-breakup“You’ve been hittin’ the heartbrakes hard. It ain’t no use ’cause we’re still gonna crash.” -Black Kids

I’ve been in enough breakups in my life, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I’ve done more than my fair share of pulling back after getting in deep. I’m not sure if I had a fear of commitment, if it was something that genuinely bothered me about the other person, or if it was some combination or lack of these two. Or maybe if it was just that I felt I should be with someone, if I was merely co-dependent and they happened to come across my radar when I had no one and was out looking. And I feel bad after it ends, regardless of who did the breaking up with whom, but I feel so much worse when it’s the girl who has broken up with me, because in that instance I don’t have closure. What is it about us as human beings that makes us want to hit the heartbrakes when things don’t match our expectations?

It’s not you. It’s me.

Love is a two-way street, and if you find yourself traveling down a one-way there are usually so many signs before the inevitable end. Does he still spend time telling you how beautiful you are? Do the two of you still appreciate the time you spend together, or is it just habit? Those are big yellow flags telling you to slow down and observe instead of going full speed ahead thinking that the two of you are in the same place. People change. It’s disregarding or being oblivious to that change that creates the avalanche that can knock your relationship on its ass.

I just need my space.

This is probably one of the most devastating. I mean, space from what? Am I simply a leech who has sucked onto you and now you’re trying like hell to scrape me off? Is space just that important to you or does it mean I’m simply smothering you? I think this one is a huge cop-out because if you truly need space from someone you claim to love, then you should be able to talk about it and work out just when and why you need alone time. That can be worked out. But to say that it’s the sole reason you’re not going to be with someone you claim to love anymore, perhaps it wasn’t real love in the first place. Continue reading “Hitting the Heartbrakes”