Settling

She sits sideways Fragile as dust Waiting to dissipate If the wind shifts Tears dry from time Slipping swiftly past While dreams fade Replaced by settling Deep inside her bones Where love died And she was born From its ashes These charred ruins That decide her fate Cool in desert air Detached like his voice … Continue reading Settling

Starlight and Blame

He hits the wall Staccato quick Like a gunshot That clears the air Before morning A starlight’s instant Full of sound fury And avarice A missed glance That haunted sigh Leaving him breathless Judgment’s glare Blazing in his eyes She runs away Adrenaline rush Pushing her hard Regret tinged In her cool margins Escape a … Continue reading Starlight and Blame

The Unorthodox Nature of Dating on TV

ANDI DORFMAN
The Bachelorette.

She loves him. I can see it in her eyes when he pulls her into his arms and holds her close. It’s like a fairy tale as they talk and laugh, as he plans a future for the two of them, and as she says nothing to dissuade him from those plans. They’re dressed in dinner wear, the handsome couple that turns everyone’s heads when they go out on the town. He even brought her home to meet his entire family, and they too could see the love between them. A week later he is in tears because she said she doesn’t feel the same way about him as he does about her. Now. At this late hour. And the cameras are rolling when he gets the news.

No, this isn’t real life, but it is at the same time. This is a television show, but it’s unscripted, and the “actors” are real human beings who want a legitimate shot at discovering love, at finding their own “happily ever after.” Is it right to throw these desperately longing creatures together in a house with their rivals and hope for the best? Is it okay to think that having one woman determine their fates is the best way to treat their fragile emotions anyway? And why am I so fascinated by the show?

After watching the latest episode last night, I thought back to bachelorette Andi’s hometown trips, where she did a very good job of making it seem like each of the four guys was the only one for her. Four mothers told her how much they could see the attraction and emotional connection between her and their son, but one of those mothers either lied or was seriously mistaken — Marcus’s mother. She wanted the best for her son, having already lost two other children in tragic circumstances, and she had us viewers thinking that Andi was that proverbial best. A week later Andi was breaking her son’s heart on national television.

And we all watched. Well, I watched anyway. Continue reading “The Unorthodox Nature of Dating on TV”

Hitting the Heartbrakes

couple-breakup“You’ve been hittin’ the heartbrakes hard. It ain’t no use ’cause we’re still gonna crash.” -Black Kids

I’ve been in enough breakups in my life, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I’ve done more than my fair share of pulling back after getting in deep. I’m not sure if I had a fear of commitment, if it was something that genuinely bothered me about the other person, or if it was some combination or lack of these two. Or maybe if it was just that I felt I should be with someone, if I was merely co-dependent and they happened to come across my radar when I had no one and was out looking. And I feel bad after it ends, regardless of who did the breaking up with whom, but I feel so much worse when it’s the girl who has broken up with me, because in that instance I don’t have closure. What is it about us as human beings that makes us want to hit the heartbrakes when things don’t match our expectations?

It’s not you. It’s me.

Love is a two-way street, and if you find yourself traveling down a one-way there are usually so many signs before the inevitable end. Does he still spend time telling you how beautiful you are? Do the two of you still appreciate the time you spend together, or is it just habit? Those are big yellow flags telling you to slow down and observe instead of going full speed ahead thinking that the two of you are in the same place. People change. It’s disregarding or being oblivious to that change that creates the avalanche that can knock your relationship on its ass.

I just need my space.

This is probably one of the most devastating. I mean, space from what? Am I simply a leech who has sucked onto you and now you’re trying like hell to scrape me off? Is space just that important to you or does it mean I’m simply smothering you? I think this one is a huge cop-out because if you truly need space from someone you claim to love, then you should be able to talk about it and work out just when and why you need alone time. That can be worked out. But to say that it’s the sole reason you’re not going to be with someone you claim to love anymore, perhaps it wasn’t real love in the first place. Continue reading “Hitting the Heartbrakes”

The First Cut…

“The first cut is the deepest. Baby, I know.” – Cat Stevens

You know, I first heard the Rod Stewart version of this song umpteen years ago, and I wondered what he was talking about. I had some idea that the word “cut” was metaphorical, but that was about where it ended. Then, some years later, I had my heart broken by the one girl I thought would never break my heart, and I understood in a split second what Rod had been singing about those years before. It reminds me of the old adage that some things you just have to go through to be able to understand them. People can tell you until they’re blue in the face about heartbreak, but you won’t ever truly “get” it until you’ve had your heart ripped in two. Continue reading “The First Cut…”