Tag: friendship

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Friend DNA

Double Helix DNAWhat makes some people more interesting than others? I know generally from the first few moments I meet someone whether or not they will mesh with me as friends. Yes, I believe in friends at first sight. There’s just a connection that is either made or not right off the bat, and I think that’s true of most people, actually. I know that some of my best friends throughout the years have shared that similarity. That’s not to say that some friends I’ve met didn’t share that connection from the start. Those are what I call “hardworking” friendships. But there’s just something about the friend DNA.

DNA is the basic component of life. It accounts for not only the color of one’s skin but also for the level of one’s temperament. It affects a person’s sense of humor, musical ability, and competitive spirit. That also means some people are hardwired to be shy around newcomers, to be afraid of public speaking, or to be outgoing. It can even affect the filters we have when it comes to ourselves. Are we delusional about our strengths and weaknesses or do we own up to them and fight through those weaknesses to become stronger as individuals?

All of that can affect what kind of friend we end up being, or what kinds of people will complement us as friends. Notice that I used the word “can,” because no one can predict what will happen when people come together, but just like when addictive personalities get together, the result can be negative for both people involved.

So what does your friend DNA say about you? Do you get along better with people who are most like you, people who are most unlike you, or people who are in-between? Is there even an absolute? Continue reading “Friend DNA”

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Heather-Marie

Women-ProfileEven her name was an enigma. I always imagined her parents battling it out over a particularly long game of canasta. “I want to name her after my mother, god bless her soul, she died when I was 6 but there was no greater saint!” her mother had probably argued. Not to be outdone, her father contended with, “She has to be named after my sister who took the cloth and is serving as a missionary to Africa.” And because neither one wanted to back down they compromised as couples often do, saddling their lone child with the name of Heather-Marie.

Now don’t get me wrong. It is a lovely name, both parts of it. Heather reminds me of beautiful flowers blowing in the breeze on an autumn day, and Marie is the girl who everybody likes, the quiet, self-assured angel with the killer smile. Together the names should have been magic, but no one explained this to Heather-Marie.

I met her in the midst of my longest summer. My heart had just been crushed by the woman I thought would be my forever and I was in what I felt was eternal pain. Amazingly enough, Heather-Marie became my salvation, but not at all in the manner that I had intended. And it all began with a band. And the internet. And the fact that I couldn’t drive. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This post isn’t about me. It’s about Heather-Marie.

She was an aerobics instructor at a gym, and as a result she was one of the fittest people I had ever met. I was fresh out of adolescence and my metabolism was working overtime, so I thought I could do pretty much any exercise even though I wasn’t quite in shape. It’s what I told her during our first phone conversation, when I was bragging about still living with my mom and never getting my driver’s license. Oh, and it’s also when she told me she went to a nudist camp once.

I liked her at once because she was brutally honest, even from the start. She also had absolutely no problem with picking me up and taking me somewhere, or even that I still lived with my mother. The age difference, though, that gave her pause. You see, I was 20 and she was 28, and she worried that even though we seemed compatible over the phone that her advanced life experience would cause problems for us in the “real world.” Luckily for me that wouldn’t end up being a problem. Nor would our difference of skin color. Yeah, she seemed like a perfect match.

But then life went into fast-forward, we had about 10 more phone conversation, and our first date was finally staring us in the face. Go figure, Heather-Marie hit it off with my mother, who was entranced by her tales of teaching spinning class. I think she would have signed my mother up on the spot if I hadn’t hurried her out of there. We had an amazing time, too. The meal was great, the conversation sparkling, and I believe I even made her forget all about the age difference. We went on a long walk and the words kept flowing. I felt that spark that I hadn’t since my relationship had fizzled earlier that year. It went by way too quickly, though. Continue reading “Heather-Marie”

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Why the Duck is an Ass

Too many people make the mistake of thinking that children’s books are all the same, that they preach a common theme and align themselves perfectly with what’s true and right, teaching kids the value of human nature and the beauty of our world. But our world is oftentimes not beautiful, and human nature is frequently negative and judgmental. So often we shield our children from these realities in favor of the cookie cutter “perfect world” we ourselves would desperately like to live in, hiding the rough spots as much as we can with spit and polish, not thinking about how shocking it will be to our kids when the truth comes out. And believe me, it will come out. Now, I’m not saying tell your kids everything about the cruel world and cruel people, but just having a heads up would suffice sometimes instead of a brick over the head. Some children’s books give that heads up while also teaching a lesson. Those are the kind I get for my kids.

IMG_0553Duck in the Truck is a children’s book written by Jez Alborough that I bought when I was in London. It appealed to me because of the cute picture of the duck driving a truck on the cover, but it proved itself to be a true compass for human nature as I sat in the huge comfy chair and read it over several times. Now, I’m sure you’re familiar with the idea of using cute, cuddly animals to sell something. Hell, Disney was founded on it and still thrives to this day because of a mouse, a bear, and a sheer cadre of other wildlife. But what I found in this book wasn’t a straight morality tale like Disney is so fond of, but a story plainly told and illustrated that makes its adult readers think and might just confuse or amuse the younger readers.

It’s a tale of a duck who drives a truck down a lane, plain and simple. However, this duck loses control of his vehicle and it becomes stuck in a pretty nasty muck. Look at the duck’s face in the page pictured. Does he look like one of those pleasant animals I talked about above? No. In fact, he’s pretty pissed off, in my opinion, and probably ticked off mostly at himself for driving so recklessly. With the angle of the vehicle in the muck, it’s really a surprise to me that he didn’t fall out and do some serious damage to himself, so he should actually be thanking his lucky stars instead of being angry at the vehicle. Luckily for him he has some random strangers come by to try and help him get unstuck from the muck. Continue reading “Why the Duck is an Ass”

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The Friend Attraction

I had a conversation with my wife about friends this morning, based on my Facebook status, which said, “The best relationships begin unexpectedly.” While she has a tendency to disagree with me when it comes to my Facebook statuses (it’s okay, I’m a big boy, I can take it), she was totally on board with … Continue reading The Friend Attraction