Tag: emotions

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Baggage Claim

emotional-baggageWe all have baggage, don’t we? But it’s not like luggage that we tag and hope gets to the same destination that we do. Our baggage is something we can’t help but carry along with us, whether we want to or not, and it stays with us. What we choose to do about that baggage is up to us, though, if we let it drag us down, or if we learn from it and become better about not accumulating more baggage.

I know I personally have a lot of baggage myself, and most of it has a lot to do with how I see myself today. When I was younger I tended to blame pretty much everyone else in my life for my opinions of myself. They told me I was a certain way and I internalized that, thinking it was true and creating my own baggage in the process. I was a nerd. I was too short. I was awkward around others. I was, in most respects, a basket case. Because I chose to believe others.

There was an episode of How I Met Your Mother that treated this idea in a wonderful way, by showing people with actual labeled baggage that they were physically carrying with them. How great would that be? When we first met someone we could see that they have 10 bags they’re struggling to carry, and we can walk the other way. Right? Of course if that were the case, I probably wouldn’t be married now.

baggageYou see, when we first start out in a relationship it’s the human way to dole out those pieces of baggage bit by bit, over a course of time. It’s called “getting to know each other.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it. In this way the other person is able to digest what we’ve told them one at a time instead of getting bombarded with it all at the same time. That’s the only reason they don’t run screaming away from us when we first meet, and why we advance to a second, third, and umpteenth date.

But think about it. One of the biggest issues we have in relationships is that we don’t ever divulge all of the baggage. Continue reading “Baggage Claim”

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A George Michael Song

george_michael-too_funky(2)“Ooh, you’re just too funky for me. I gotta get inside of you. And I’ll show you heaven if you’ll let me.” -George Michael

Often, I wish I were in a George Michael song, any George Michael song, because the characters that populate his lyrics are nothing if not breathtaking. They’re complex, like real life human beings, and they’re often broken or scarred. Their hearts bleed through the lyrics, and I connect with them. More than that, though, it’s really all about the feelings, the emotions they tap into, that leap out through the songs.

“Sadness in my eyes. No one guessed, and no one tried. You smiled at me like Jesus to a child.”

There is a completeness to the idea of being smiled at by Jesus. I spent my entire formative years reading about and listening to stories about Jesus, how dynamic he was, and how blessed anyone felt when he looked at them. I imagine being that child, being young and naive, but knowing there’s more out there. Wanting to have faith but being weak, with sadness creeping in to every facet of my life. Then being smiled at by Jesus and knowing it will all be okay.

“So, I just kept breathing, my friends. Waiting for the man to choose, saying this ain’t the day it ends, ’cause there’s no white light and I’m not through. I’m alive.”

Death is the great unknown, isn’t it? I’ve always wanted to be in charge of my own fate, but I know it doesn’t happen that way, not really. Is there a tunnel, and a white light at the end of it welcoming people to the afterlife? I don’t know, but I feel comforted knowing that there’s more to life than just trying not to die. There’s this feeling of just breathing without having to think about it, existing day by day, and living life in those days, through those series of moments. I’m alive and I’m going to make the most of it. Continue reading “A George Michael Song”

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Fresh Paint

The wall has fresh paint Opaque in color To drown out her screams Both varied and innate Perfect background for pain Colors sliding down Mingling with her tears A crack in the facade Perfect in its flaws Waiting for a second coat The darker imitation Belonging to another Yet bleeding through A reality of change … Continue reading Fresh Paint

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Unrequited Like

UNREQUITED-LOVEWhen you’re single, doesn’t it feel like the people you like are almost never the ones who like you? There’s something to be said for attraction, and each of us has a different criteria for what we find attractive in others. For some the physical looks are tops on the list, while for others it’s mental capacity. For still others it’s a sense of humor, or some combination of these attributes. But people hardly ever meet someone where’s there’s a mutual attraction and you both meet each others’ criteria. When you’re the one left holding the bag, it’s what I like to call unrequited like.

Usually unrequited like means you’re constantly hiding your feelings by either forcing them down deep or channeling them into a seeming sort of sarcasm. You know the guy who is on the fringes of your group who is always finding some excuse to joke around. Maybe he thinks being the funny man will win you over, or he’s letting out his true feelings through sarcastic means. If he finds excuses to be near you, it’s quite possible he unrequitedly likes you, even if his nearness is characterized by self-deprecating behavior or forced humor.

It works with wanting to be friends too. You know the girl who is shy but whom you always seem to see around. Maybe you talked to her once or twice in passing, but you haven’t given her a second thought. Well, she has no friends, but she enjoys being near you because you are spontaneous and you make everything an adventure. She’s too shy to approach you, though, so that “like” only goes one way, and you’re too involved with being the center of attention that you will never notice her.

The worst type of unrequited like, though, is the one that has been expressed and shot down. Continue reading “Unrequited Like”

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Green Light Days

I ran through three yellow lights today, deciding to heed the nefarious suggestion — to speed up — instead of listening to the practical one — to slow down. It was just one of those days. You know the kind, when everything you do seems just a step behind everyone else, like you’re slogging through … Continue reading Green Light Days

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First Love

You know, I almost married the girl. It was a whirlwind romance, born in summer, gestated in fall, and tested in a harsh winter, followed by an even harsher spring. We met, we wooed, we made exchange of vows (of the future marriage kind, not of the marriage itself kind), and I even spent the … Continue reading First Love