Tag: death

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Before I Die

before-i-die15_178343183Before I die I want to live. I don’t remember where that quote comes from, but it’s one I’ve lived by since I turned 21. Before then I never even thought about death, even though all around me people were dying every day. None of it really seemed that personal to me until I turned 21 and began having little aches and pains, signs that informed me of my own mortality.

In recent years a lot of focus has been given to the proverbial “bucket list,” a list of things people want to do before they die. It started off with a lot of older folk and their list of regrets. What didn’t they do that they wish they had done in their lifetime? They were regrets, though, because almost everything on their lists were impossibilities for people of advanced age. That’s when people younger and younger began writing out their own bucket lists of things they could conceivably do if they lived a nice long life.

Of course living a nice long life is not a given for anyone who’s young, and we can see more and more the stories of people who’ve died young, before they had a chance to truly live, before the things on their bucket lists could be successfully completed. I recall reading a book once about this woman who was involved in the death of a young girl who had a list of 40 things she wanted to do before 40. I could be massively reinterpreting the plot structure of the book, but it was intriguing, completing someone else’s list out of a sense of guilt or obligation. In a way it was even better because the woman felt compelled to go out of her comfort zone to try and get some closure on what she had done, accidentally or not. The idea intrigues me. Continue reading “Before I Die”

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I Grieve, Too

“Though it takes all the strength in me, and all the world can see I’m losing such a central part of me… I recognize how much I’ve lost, but I cannot face the cost.” -Peter Gabriel I can’t remember the last time I cried because someone died. Maybe it was when my Nana died. Odds … Continue reading I Grieve, Too

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The Mortality Clause

mortality-rates“Never forget the ones who are left behind; in this way they will never be truly gone.” -Theodicus

Death is such a touchy subject, isn’t it? We are born with such promise, with the entirety of our lives stretching out before us in a line that seems endless. But it’s not. In fact, at the moment of conception, even, we are beginning the ironic journey of living and dying at the same time. I look in the mirror at these gray hairs and realize that I’m 37 years old, that for over 37 years I’ve been slowly dying, and that I’ll be lucky to see 37 more years pass while I’m still on this earth. I also realize how fortunate I am that death is there, at the end of the hopefully long journey.

Don’t get me wrong, I am afraid of death, but not the idea of it. When actual death comes for me I will probably be anxious and afraid. We always fear the unknown, and I have no idea what waits for me on the other side of that abyss. The Bible says that there is nothing after death, that our bodies decay and that our spirits go back to our creator, which sounds peaceful of course. And it’s what is brought up the most by ministers at funeral services to soothe those who remain. He always says that our souls will meet theirs again in the great by and by. But we are more than our souls. We are also these bodies that the souls inhabit. If we believe in this after image, will we even recognize ourselves or others then? Yes, death itself scares the bejeezus out of me. Because of its uncertainty. Continue reading “The Mortality Clause”

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Sleep is the Cousin of Death

secrets-good-sleep_311“It drops deep as it does in my breath. I never sleep, ’cause sleep is the cousin of death.” -Nas

I remember when I was younger than I am now and I thought that being asleep meant dying, and waking up again was being reborn. It made me afraid to go to sleep for fear that I would never awaken in the morning. I would lie in my bed with my headphones plugged into my black and white television and the sound down low when I was supposed to be asleep. The flickering images on that little screen would keep me awake for probably fifteen minutes longer than I otherwise would have been, then my eyes would droop and I would fade. At some point during the night the headphones would get twisted up and pull themselves out of the TV and the sound would somehow be louder than I thought it was, but I wouldn’t wake up. I slept the sleep of the dead.

And I always have. When I was in high school I would always be the last one up, and my roommate would generally get me up by banging on the bottom of my top bunk or jumping on me when I had the bottom bunk. I was lucky he wouldn’t stick my hand in warm water instead. That would have been very uncomfortable and embarrassing, but I was spared such treatment at least. Continue reading “Sleep is the Cousin of Death”

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Dirt and Bone

I. Grave thoughts Dragging me down Through dirt and bone And shifting sand Sifting ash and shale Forming a box of sorts Four sided misery Connected and connecting Calling out Then echoing back A shock to the system Cold and sinewy Stringy like starch But insatiable too Like a complex drug Deep down underneath And … Continue reading Dirt and Bone