Tag: conversation

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Chatting With Lexi: On Writing

tumblr_static_writing450As she gets older, Lexi has decided she wants to be more like us, not that she wants to copy us, but that she admires what we do. In an essay she wrote for school she talked about how exciting it would be to be a librarian (like her mother). Then she has been talking about getting more songs on her iPod — Bruno Mars, Ne-Yo, and other popular singers — instead of just the KidzBop songs that used to populate her musical world, which is reminiscent of me and my love of different types of music. She even keeps asking me about when we’ll be able to get out and play some tennis since she knows its an important sport to me, and she wants to have that connection with me.

While it’s exciting to watch her grow older and discover more aspects of herself that she wants to explore, it’s also a little sad that the little girl who loved her stuffed rabbit and dog so much is gone, replaced by a young lady who sounds more and more like us, but also more and more like a future version of herself every day. But I’m embracing it because that’s what should happen. In the bath last night, she showed me more of that young woman she’s growing up to be, when she chatted with me about my number one passion: writing.

Lexi: Dad, how do I get to be a writer?

Me: You just write.

Lexi: No! I mean like you. I want to write a book.

Me: That takes a lot of hard work and commitment.

Lexi: Well, not exactly like you. I mean, I want it to be for, like, a 7-year old.

Me: It still takes a lot to write any book, even one for younger kids.

Lexi: How come?

Me: Because you have to keep in mind the age group, the words they should know and ones they won’t.

Lexi: So, if I just think about words I know, it will be okay for 7-year olds?

Me: It depends on the kid, but your editor will be able to help you figure that out.

Lexi: But I want to write it this weekend. I don’t have an editor.

Me: Lex, it’s not going to go that quickly, to get a book written in a couple of days and just publish it.

Lexi: Why not? I already have a lot of good ideas. Continue reading “Chatting With Lexi: On Writing”

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@ Dunkin Donuts

Dunkin DonutsWe drove up to the Dunkin Donuts in Upper Darby this morning, desperately seeking doughnuts for the children and a coffee for me. I’m just not operating fully if I don’t have some caffeine in me at some point during the day. Outside the shop were several teenagers lounging and smoking, looking like they had just rolled out of bed, even though I’m sure school was already in session at that point. They had no intention of entering the place, instead preferring to use the grass out front as a hangout spot for delinquents.

A young girl was standing in the doorway.

“Excuse me,” I said to her as I opened the door wider to get past.

“You excused,” she responded, not moving one inch, but we somehow made it by her anyway.

Welcome to Philadelphia.

The floors were sticky, like they had just been mopped by by filthy water that only put more grit on the floor instead of taking it off. We stepped carefully while inside, as we made our way to the counter. Two ladies were working back there, doing a complicated dance that they should have made look simple but didn’t. One was manning the drive-thru, which I had noticed outside was five cars deep, and the other was in charge of helping customers in the actual store. There were two of us.

“I would like a coffee, please,” I told the lady when she stopped long enough to listen. “Cream and sugar.”

“What size you want?” she asked without looking at me.

“I guess I’ll take a large,” I said, having not thought it out beforehand, only knowing I needed caffeine.

“You want a medium?” she responded, as if I hadn’t said a thing.

“Suuuure. I’ll take a medium,” I told her, looking over at my wife to see if she had heard the exchange. She was rolling her eyes, and I realized I was too. I mean, seriously? The lady ended up making me a medium coffee, but at least it had cream and sugar in it. Continue reading “@ Dunkin Donuts”

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The Art of Empathy

I almost walked past her, this perfect stranger, but I saw something on her face, in the downward cast of her eyes, that spoke volumes. “How are you doing today?” I stopped and asked. She had obviously been lost in her own world but I brought her back to a murky present. But she smiled … Continue reading The Art of Empathy

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Should We Talk About the Weather?

th“Do you think it’s going to rain today?”
“Yeah, it definitely looks like rain.”

That’s a conversation I’ve had about a million times, and usually it’s with people who are associates. Not friends. You know why? Because with my friends we talk about real subjects, like love, war, and who we think is going to win American Idol this year. The weather is relatively boring unless something like a flood, a tornado, or an earthquake hits. Then we debate over who should have shown up with relief efforts and when. But only then.

Usually talk about the weather is just space filler, what you say when you don’t know what to say. Like on a first date, or on a break at work, or when stuck in an elevator with men wearing Brooks Brothers suits. It is the absolute last resort, and the problem is that everybody knows it. So when you adroitly bring up an impending rain storm be aware of the rolling eyes or what I call the “dead stare.” That’s when they’re nodding along but looking through you while you talk. It’s usually followed by “Sure,” no matter what it is you just said.

Do you blame them for spacing out? Talking about the weather is usually as dull as dishwater. But it accomplishes its purpose most of the time, to fill in the space. Continue reading “Should We Talk About the Weather?”

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The Ones Who Talk

thYou know “that guy?” He’s the one in the movie theater who can’t stop himself from yelling at the characters on screen as if they’re friends of his who are making a mistake. The one on the bus staring at his iPhone, whispering to it like it’s an old friend who’s done him wrong. “No!” he says as the screen goes blank for no good reason. He’s the guy who interrupts every conversation that goes longer than one exchange because he “just has to” interject something that is of a life-and-death importance. Yeah, I used to be that guy.

It all started with books, innocently enough. I was probably five or six and reading was what I lived for. Of course we didn’t have that many age-appropriate books at home, so I would read through the ones we had multiple times, like they were going out of style. The characters in those books became really good friends of mine, so I would begin imparting knowledge to them over the course of the book. “Don’t open that door!” I would say, knowing that behind the door was nothing good.

Then it moved on to movies. I’ll never forget the first time I saw Back to the Future and I kept telling Marty, “Your plan’s not going to work!” but he just wouldn’t listen. Luckily for him, even though his plan didn’t work, everything still came together in the end. If he had only listened to me it would have been a lot easier, though. And when the one scientist said, “They’re all engineered to be female,” in Jurassic Park, I yelled at the screen, “Hell no. They’re smarter than your science!” Look who was right.

But not everyone saw it the same way I did. In particular my sister would tell me to “pipe down” when I would get out of control responding to things that really were just one-way communicators. She would pound on my door while I was narrating my baseball games, and when I was proposing to Samantha Micelli (I guess I was loud) and tell me to knock it off. Apparently “nobody” wanted to listen to me profess my love for a fictional character. Of course, though, that didn’t stop me. Continue reading “The Ones Who Talk”

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Chatting With Lexi: On Prejudice

racism prejudice 2I happened to be skimming through my Facebook newsfeed one day when Lexi comes in the room and glances at my screen. Luckily none of those swear-happy memes were up on the screen, but unluckily it was a large photo of a certain basketball team owner who said some horrible things about a particular group of people. I was hoping that Lexi hadn’t seen the photo and wouldn’t ask about it, but then again, on some level, I wanted her to ask. Because it’s never too young to learn the truth about some people, and to help sort out some questions she might have.

And boy, did she have a lot of thoughts on the subject.

Lexi: Who’s that guy? He looks really old.

Me: That’s the owner of a basketball team.

Lexi: Wow, so he must have a lot of money.

Me: Yes, he does, but that’s not why he’s in the news.

Lexi: Why is he in the news?

Me: Well, he said some bad things about people.

Lexi: What did he say?

Me: Just some really bad things about black people, and everyone is upset over it. That’s why he’s in the news.

Lexi: Wait. Don’t black people play basketball?

Me: A lot of people play basketball, but yes, black people too.

Lexi: So, if he likes basketball why would he say bad things about people who play on his team?

Me: That’s the point, Lexi. Lots of people have thoughts like that about particular groups of people. They just don’t say it out loud. But just having those feelings is wrong, whether or not you say them out loud.

Lexi: Yeah, if I didn’t like somebody I would just say it.

Me: But you would have a valid reason for not liking them, right?

Lexi: Yeah, like with Emma*, if she pushed me I wouldn’t like her.

Me: Right, but black people never did anything wrong to this man. He just doesn’t like them for whatever reason. That’s wrong, to hate one group of people like that.

Lexi: I’m black. Continue reading “Chatting With Lexi: On Prejudice”