Category: Memory

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Spare the Rod

I am partial to spanking. Please don’t hit me for saying that, but it’s true. I mean, you know as well as I do that most people are forgetful, especially when it comes to things they don’t want to remember, especially kids. So, why not use the method most likely to get them to remember: the physical reminder? I learned from an early age to equate getting hit with having done something bad.

My childhood was memorable for many reasons, not the least of which were the spankings I received quickly and often. Both of my parents grew up in the school of “spare the rod and spoil the child.” In fact, I heard that exact phrase more times than I would care to admit. Of course, even when they weren’t beating me and I was well-behaved (admittedly not that often), I don’t think anyone would have classified my existence as spoiled. So, to me that didn’t fly, but it didn’t stop them from spanking me when I was bad.

There was a special science to spanking me, too. Continue reading “Spare the Rod”

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“I’m Supportive, Like a Good Bra”

Photo: LOL.
Don’t leave the key under the mat. Duh.

You know those kinds of people, the ones who always seem ready with a poignant quotable phrase? And you’re ridiculously jealous because the best you could come up with on the spur of the moment is, “Don’t eat yellow snow.” Then you see those memes that make you laugh out loud, even when you don’t want to like them, and you just have to share them, wishing all the while that you were the one who came up with the words for them. It starts to seem like everyone is more creative and witty than you, and you just want to go crawl under a rock somewhere.

Well, let me tell you something: THEY’RE NOT MORE CREATIVE AND WITTY THAN YOU ARE. Sorry for shouting, but it’s important that you hear it loud and clear. They just know the value of good timing and how to steal other people’s material. You see, most of the things you think are spur of the moment aren’t. And most of those people you are jealous of should be jealous of you, because at least you’re honest about not having good ideas. You really shouldn’t eat yellow snow. Indeed. Continue reading ““I’m Supportive, Like a Good Bra””

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Memory Half Full

I distinctly remember the first day of kindergarten, getting introduced to all the new faces, learning where the monkey bars were, seeing all the bigger kids in the halls and being intimidated. I wore a brand new striped shirt with khaki pants rolled up into a cuff at home by my mom just that morning. … Continue reading Memory Half Full