Author: Sam McManus

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Those Sad Birthdays

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“Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had, and what you’ve learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.”

When I was eight years old I asked my mom what it was like to have a real birthday, to have everyone be so excited for you that they would never want to miss your party, to stand up in front of the class wearing a cheesy birthday hat and have people serenade you with the birthday song. And she looked at me like I was crazy, as if I had grown an extra head between the time I asked her the question and the time she finally looked up at me. But I wasn’t crazy. I knew how it felt to get shafted on my birthday, to see everyone else get to enjoy theirs but to have mine crowded into the shadows of a brighter sun by which all other days merely orbit instead of shining in their own right. Because, you see, I was born on December 27th.

I remember relating this story to others as I got older, and telling them all about the massive disappointment I felt every year on the anniversary of my birth. I told them stories of getting presents wrapped in Christmas paper that were obviously just Christmas presents that were siphoned off and given to me two days later for my appeasement. It was obvious one year when I got a remote control car for Christmas and the remote control to actually use it on my birthday, both wrapped in identical Santa Claus paper. It was so bad at one point that I recall shouting at someone (it might have been my Uncle Michael — sorry), and saying how if they were going to get me Christmas presents and misrepresent them as birthday gifts that I didn’t want any presents at all. And I know you’re thinking I was spoiled, but I really wasn’t. I just wanted to be recognized on my special day, like so many others are without question. Continue reading “Those Sad Birthdays”

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Mirage

She was my favorite Doe-eyed and fresh Gently loved Sweet as snow Falling softly down Pure in every way Until she wasn’t When the rains came Sluicing away the mirage Daydream suicide I was young then A character out of time Feeling her pulse It beat in perfect rhythm With my pounding heart It felt … Continue reading Mirage

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The Apologist, Part 2

Those two little words.

“I’ve skirted all my differences, but now I’m facing up. I wanted to apologize for everything I was, so… I’m sorry.” – R.E.M.

When I was a kid I remember my mother giving me “the look,” the one that said I did something wrong and I needed to somehow make it right. But I never knew what it was I did wrong in the first place, and I had absolutely no idea how to make it right. She would sit me down and explain what I did wrong. Maybe I pulled my sister’s hair, or I stole the Kool-Aid, or I forgot to feed the guinea pig, or one of a million other things I tended to mess up during the course of my short life up until that point. But that was the easy part, coming up with the problem; it was the solution that always proved to be difficult.

I’m sorry. Why was that always so hard to say? Maybe because I wasn’t. Not really. Not ever. Continue reading “The Apologist, Part 2”

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Friday Top 5: Quotes

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill One thing that my favorite quotes have in common is the sense of immediacy that comes along with them. They’re not just quotes said for a particular time in history and that only fit in that time. They transcend moments and eras, and they speak … Continue reading Friday Top 5: Quotes

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Where There’s Smoke…

A camel smoking. Hmmm.

When I was a kid there was a huge billboard in downtown Philadelphia with the Marlboro Man on it. You remember him, the rugged everyman who apparently smoked a pack of reds every day before lunch, and he somehow maintained his brilliant physique and eyes that could pierce steel. And out on I-95 there was another billboard dedicated to a caricature of a camel, also smoking a cigarette. In very small print on both signs was a warning from the U.S. Surgeon General saying something about smoking being harmful to your health. I, of course, saw neither one of these signs, but I knew what they looked like because they were everywhere.

We rode the subway to church most Saturdays, and in the underground world of the subway there were huge billboards lined up on both sides of the tracks. It was funny sometimes when a train was on the opposite track and I could see just a partial billboard through the gap in the train cars. When I first saw a Marlboro Man sign I was waiting for the El at 30th Street Station and there were two posters of him flanking a billboard for the film CB4, which also seemed to celebrate smoking as a lifestyle choice. And I wasn’t interested. It had nothing to do with the Surgeon General’s warning, and everything to do with how I was raised, to think my body was the temple of God, and to avoid anything that would ruin that temple.

That rugged dude.

So, why did I start smoking three years later? Easy. I wanted to fit in. Continue reading “Where There’s Smoke…”

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Thursday Shuffle

When I upgraded to my 160GB iPod Classic, I gave my old 120GB one to my wife, who is decidedly not as up on recent music as I am. She gave me a list of artists, albums, and songs that she wanted uploaded to her new device, and the list was relatively short. I was astounded, because there was so much more music her iPod would hold, and I felt it was my duty to help her out. So, in addition to the entire Beatles catalog, Sting and the Police, Taylor Swift, Madonna, Maroon 5, and Sade, I uploaded a few more artists I thought she might like, thinking she would thank me. Well, I was a little bit wrong.

It turns out she liked having only certain artists, and unlike me she wasn’t really up for listening and evaluating something new. So, after I un-synched the additional 30 artists I had placed on her iPod, I began to realize that it was okay. I don’t have to always be the great decider of what music gets played and when. There didn’t have to be some amazing revolution of new songs on my wife’s iPod. What made her happy were the songs and artists she already knew and loved. That was okay for her, and that would have to be alright for me too. I made my peace with it. Then I grabbed my iPod, plugged in my headphones, and put it on shuffle:

1. On the Outside – Sheryl Crow

Sheryl Crow has some really good b-sides, and this is one of them. “Standing on the outside, looking in…”

2. Animal Instinct (Live in Stockholm) – The Cranberries

Many people think The Cranberries stopped recording music after “Zombie” but that is entirely untrue. Animal Instinct comes from their fourth album, Bury the Hatchet, which is a great album in its own right. On their Greatest Hits compilation, they included this live version of the song.

3. Gold Rush – Snoop Dogg

This was back when G-funk ruled the west coast, and when Snoop was still calling himself a Dogg instead of a Lion.

4. Wildflower – Sheryl Crow

You know, there are some times when I honesty think that shuffle isn’t a true shuffle at all, like when two songs by the same artist show up back to back, or when someone like Sheryl Crow shows up more than once on a small section of the shuffle list, like in this case. This song is even better than the first, though, slow like a ballad. Continue reading “Thursday Shuffle”