Day 15: I promise to be more adventurous.
When I was younger I did more things. I was often out and about. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten more sedentary, preferring to bunker down at home instead of venturing forth into the great wild yonder. Well, I’m not saying I want to go into the wilderness or anything, but I need to make more connections, to get out and do things with actual people sometime.
Sometimes I feel like I’m turning into a statue who goes to work, who ferries the kids places, and who writes. That’s not me. I want to be no man’s statue, not even my own. So this summer I promise to travel places, to do things I haven’t ever done, or that I haven’t done in a good long while. No one’s getting any younger. I guess I’m feeling like carpeing the shit out of the diem, seizing the damn day and shaking it like a rag doll.
The other day I was at a restaurant / bar with some friends. It felt weird, but cool at the same time. I didn’t know the etiquette of how to order and pay for a drink so I watched other people for a while to try and get the hang of it. People kept asking me if I wanted a drink because they were headed to the bar, but I never quite figured out the intricacies of all of that. So I said no.
But I guess it’s better to be a statue in a bar than a statue at home. Besides, I talked to people, so I figure that’s a step forward in any event.
A while ago I also submitted some of my works to publishing companies, and to literary agents, but when I received rejections I gave up. I’ll admit it to myself now. I was hurt that they didn’t see my work the same way I did, that I was just a ream of paper to them, not the sum of my ideas and characters that I had fallen in love with. So I let it go. I gave up that ghost.
But I’m feeling like my own paramour today, haunting and taunting myself in order to get back out there, to make things happen. If I don’t do it, then it won’t get done, and regret is a terrible companion on this road called life. I need to be more adventurous because I fear I’m turning into a caricature of myself. This summer will be the start of something new.
No more statues.
Sam
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