Both Sides of the Story

“Be sure, before we close our eyes, don’t walk away from here. We must hear both sides of the story.” – Phil Collins

I met a woman the other day who had a bubbly personality, a zest for life, and a mouth that talked nonstop about anything and everything under the sun. It was refreshing to encounter someone like that because it seems like most people I run into are, how shall I say it, restrained. It was good to see someone out there enjoying life and being loud and proud about it. We had a sparkling conversation (when I was able to get a word in edgewise), and I thought she would make an excellent friend. It seemed like our personalities meshed very well.

Then I found out she had just lost her mother two days before we met, and the joyous personality I had seen was shown to be her attempt to ignore her true feelings about it all. After the truth came out I saw everything she had told me in a completely different light, with the knowledge that hers was a sad soul in need of a friend. Notice how I thought we would make good friends before the revelation, and that didn’t change one iota after knowing what I did about her subterfuge. I could completely understand it, and it endeared her to me even more, that she wanted to appear strong. But it’s okay to be weak with friends. We’re there for each other.

A few years ago I met another woman who was quirky, and I mean that in the most amazing possible way. She often broke into the middle of a conversation and introduced a different topic, something I do as well. Indeed, as we got to know each other I could see why she would dive into what seemed like something off-topic. To her, everything was on-topic, and she found a way to get from one to the other, sort of like the six degrees of separation game. It was like flying with the riddler when I was around her, and I liked being off-balance like that. It brought out a different side of me I hadn’t even known existed, and I appreciated that from her.

Later on I discovered that she had been an outcast in school, that the other kids had made fun of her for being her wonderful, quirky self. She could have gone inward when they said those hateful things, but instead she decided to embrace herself and her personality even more. She told me, “If they had a problem with me, that was their problem. They could go screw themselves.” And I love the way she put it, so succinctly like everything else. I think that’s an issue with the world today. Not too many of us are content enough with the essence of who we are to stand up and be proud. It was great to hear her success story, and she is still a good friend to this day. She inspires me daily, because her story is a triumph.

There are at least two sides to every story: the side the world sees, and the side that the world doesn’t normally see. It’s the side that George Costanza made famous in Seinfeld when he said, “You’re killing Independent George!” What he meant was that the side of him that was independent from most people was being exposed, and he couldn’t handle it. It’s really hard for any of us to deal with the parts of ourselves that don’t conform to the way we want others to see us. Only a select few of us can get past that and not mind that Independent George is out of that closet.

We behave differently depending on the company we’re in, which is why if you asked 10 people who know us how we are, most likely you’ll get several different answers, some of them wildly different. Those are all facets of our personality, some larger than others, that we let show at times and with certain people, and some we hide from time to time. But they’re all part of us. And it’s okay to appreciate them separately. It’s when we put on masks to try and convince people we’re not who we know we are, that’s when things tend to fall apart. Everyone doesn’t have to know every side to your story, but when you’re friends perhaps you should let those people in. More likely than not, they can help.

“I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now, from up and down, and still somehow it’s cloud illusions I recall. I really don’t know clouds at all.” – Joni Mitchell

Sam