Question Everything

That’s the biggest singular piece of advice I’ve ever gotten from a living soul, and anytime I feel adrift in this crazy sea of life I go back to it like a lifeline, tethering me to a better version of reality where I’m not its star and others I come in contact with aren’t my subjects. Everyone does things for a reason, and even though I don’t have to always be privy to their reasoning, I should always think about why I do the things I do. See, I’m not in charge of them, but I can think about me.

Question everything.

You see, that’s when I get into trouble in my life, when I go along with the flow, letting it envelop me in its warm embrace. I forget during those times that life is full of peaks and valleys, and if I haven’t been in a valley for a while, maybe it’s simply my perception and not true. Perhaps the valleys have been camouflaged by the “flow” and I’m just being blind to the issues at hand. And that’s not even a perhaps. That’s a truth. It’s an inconvenient truth, but it’s the truth nonetheless.

I remember when I made the decision to move to Tennessee, how blinded I was by one thing only. I needed to be somewhere, and it seemed to offer a place for me. I didn’t question why it seemed so easy, so ready-made for me to slide right into a completely different life. I didn’t think about the fact that I was running away from my situation, not running to a new one. And that’s exactly what it became in the end, a new situation, but one that was just as suffocating as the one I had abandoned. Instead of keeping the wolves at bay, all I did was trade in the type of wolves, because I didn’t question my motivations.

It’s only when I take time to process, to truly break down my feelings and understand them as completely as I possibly can, that’s when I can honestly make smart decisions. When I’m down and broken I find a better clarity, because those are the only times I recognize myself for who I am, for who I want to be, and for who I’ve been pretending I was without even realizing it. It scares me too, that it takes those hardest of situations to give me a true mirror for who I am.  To make me question everything.

Now I just need to apply it in times when I think things are fine. Because they’re usually not.

Sam