The DJ Must Die

Us “old folks” have an unrealistic view of what a DJ ought to be. We think he/she needs to play every single song we want to hear when we want to hear it so we can dance our booties off. We think he/she needs to mix up fast songs with slow songs (for all the lovers out there to have a change of pace in their favor). We think he/she needs to play all the “happening” songs from our youth, like Love Shack, Thriller, and Walkin’ on Sunshine. If a DJ played (I Just Died) In Your Arms Tonight we would probably faint from the excitement. To us “old folks” that would be the perfect DJ.

But, unless we go to events where the majority population is also “old folks,” sorry to say, but that isn’t happening. DJs make their money because they:

* Play the new, “hip” songs

* Play mostly “dance” songs

* Play every hit by Katy Perry, consecutively

* Cater to the “young” crowd (see: previous)

So, what can we do when we want to rock the house with tunes that bring us back to our youth, as well as cater to our “happening” side? When the DJ is just a little too “hip” for us, we can take matters into our own hands and usurp the DJs massive power. We can take it over with something incredibly simple that wasn’t available in those “happening” days of our youth: the iPod.

An iPod gives the average music lover the ability to create playlists geared to any and every crowd, and more specifically playlists that will appeal to you and yours. No more will you have to pay a DJ tons of money to play Britney Spears at your office Halloween party. No longer will you have to pony up the dough to hear a blaring dance beat for twenty minutes between lyrics. Sorry, David Guetta. And as long as the kids aren’t around, you can shake your booty to your heart’s content. Take it from me.

Be your own DJ in three easy steps:

Step 1 – Update your iTunes library

Find tracks from your youth and legally download them (for only 99 cents a song!)

Step 2 – Create specialized playlists

Mix your genres to create a mood for everyone there (country – meet hip-hop)

Step 3 – Advertise

Let your peeps know that you’re available to MC their bat mitzvahs and retirement galas (for a proper fee)

Now, not only can you have the songs you truly want to hear (Dude Looks Like a Lady, anyone?) but you can also get paid to listen to and play those songs! It’s amazing what a little piece of technology can do to make you as cool as Moby used to be. Imagine that. And if you want to mix in a little Hootie & the Blowfish, that’s okay too. They’re cool enough to add to that playlist.

Now, where’s my clickwheel?

Sam