Exhale

I didn’t swear until I was fourteen
More a statement of the world than of me
Not a conscious rendering of faith or fear
But of a young child’s ignorance instead

The power of words is dynamic
Focused and determined in its force
Like a preacher imparting divine knowledge
Or like a swan poised for flight

I didn’t swear until I knew the words
Until they had seeped deep into my bones
And spread their warmth into every part
Begging to be released back into the wild

So I let them come as I let them go
Those words vilified by the elite
Though no one can tell through closed doors
In private moments when no one is around

But I’m always honest with myself
Even when no one else takes me seriously
Choosing my words oh so carefully
Not to impress others but to appease myself

And I have made atonement since then
With the feelings inside of me
Characterized by love and loss
By the changes that turned me inside out

I didn’t swear until it was necessary
The evil that makes possible the good
In its awkward acceptance of pain
Of the shifting nature of existence

They served to take my breath away
Those words that left my mouth in a rush
That changed my own perspective
That made me more than caricature

That gave me the strength
To finally exhale.

Sam