“They say that nobody is perfect. Then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.” – Winston Churchill
I have had a battle with just this issue for a large portion of my lifetime. You see, I’m a perfectionist, and there are many more of us out there than you’d think. We want to make sure everything we do is the best it can possibly be, so we take a lot of time and energy on every single facet of our lives. No one tells us the impossibility of our venture, or if they do they are easily tuned out in the face of the overall goal. We are singularly focused, and we don’t stop until we think we’ve achieved what is essentially unachievable — perfection. That was the topic around the water cooler this week.
From an early age we are perceived as perfect by our parents, or at least most of us were. “Isn’t he just the most perfect baby you’ve ever seen?” Then we’re held up to that impossible goal as we grow older. “Why aren’t you perfect?” As if we could get there just because our parents harp on us about our inadequacies. As if they themselves are perfect. And others around the water cooler agreed with me on this. In fact, one of my coworkers insists that’s why she has been through so much therapy in her life, trying to cast off the expectations of perfection that have dogged her (because of her mother) her entire life. I can definitely relate, having recently gone through therapy myself based on my own unrealistic expectations of myself that had created a lot of stress in my life.
“The thing that is really hard, and is really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” – Anna Quindlen
We are imperfect beings. That’s the nature of humanity. Another of my coworkers admitted to not really living her life until she admitted this to herself, until she embraced her imperfections that made her uniquely her, and learned to embrace herself for who she really was. I think too many of us never reach this point because we’re also told from an early age that we can be anything we want to be, which we translate into “We HAVE TO do everything we can to reach your expectations of us.” It’s common knowledge that parents themselves have a host of expectations for us, so that they can live vicariously through their children, but it’s really what we want that’s important. Knowing ourselves is paramount when considering what will make us happy. And we can’t do that until we’ve shed the masks we have been forced to wear to maintain the “perfect” exterior our parents (and indeed society as well) want to see.
“We’ll love you just the way you are, if you’re perfect.” – Alanis Morissette
The consensus among us was that we need to stop listening to others and just listen to ourselves, what our brains and hearts are trying to tell us. It can get really confusing and frustrating listening to so many others, trying to be what they think we should be, or what they imagine we are. We have to break out of those cycles or we will never find ourselves, much less make our peace with what we are. Which is imperfect. Which is normal. Embrace yourself and you’ll find yourself. Being perfect is a myth. Live in the real world. You’ll be happier for it.
Sam
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