The face we show the world depends on who is part of our own personal world at the moment. Do you ever wonder how the same person can be described as introverted and shy by one person, and at the same time also called gregarious and outgoing by another? Or how when you first become friends with someone you know in real life on Facebook, how you are surprised by the types of things they post? I remember one time I had just become friends with someone (in real life), and she warned me that not many people liked her, but that it wasn’t really her they didn’t like. It was the person she had pretended to be. But, she added, she wasn’t going to be fake with me. And I believed her, because I didn’t know any better (although I suppose I had been warned). That’s because as human beings we get so used to splitting our personalities when we’re with certain groups over others. What happens when those worlds collide? “You’re killing independent George!”
We wear different hats, and that’s okay, depending on the situation. The problem comes in when we start wearing masks as well. Then we’re being fake, and the more fake we become the less people will like us in the long run. Unless you don’t care about the long run, because the truth always wills out in time. In the short run, it might be an amazing thing. You’ll have tons of friends, you’ll influence lots of people, and you’ll shine like a crazy diamond, but it won’t be the real you they like. And who are you really kidding anyway? The more time they spend in your world, the more they’ll see that you’re holding it up with only smoke and mirrors. Then what do you have? People who are former friends who think you’re a big fake, or people who just no longer trust you to be truthful with them. That was a major win, wasn’t it?
And yet, we still have that tendency, and why? Because we don’t think we’re good enough, smart enough, worldly enough, sophisticated enough, “enough” enough for anyone to really be attracted to us, warts and all. And that’s for any number of reasons, but the primary ones are family expectations and the media.
From the day we’re born there are expectations placed on our heads, by our parents, by our grandparents, and by others who are close to us (aunts, uncles, older siblings), and we care enough about them to want to live up to those expectations, at first anyway. But as we grow older we realize we don’t fit neatly into those boxes they created for us. We push the envelope, we move outside of our prescribed space, but we don’t want to disappoint anyone. So we pretend when we’re around them, and our first masks are formed. The idea for them is smart. I mean, we want to keep everyone happy, but we forget that our own happiness is important too, and shouldn’t be compromised in that way. We forget that when it comes down to it, deep down, our family members wouldn’t want us to compromise ourselves that way either. But they don’t realize we’re doing it, not because we’re so good at it, but because they see what they wanted to see, so they don’t question it. It’s only when we remove the mask for them that they see we have been playacting all along, and it’s quite a revelation to them. Believe me.
Then, there’s the media, and THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW US, but they guide what we say, what we do, and who we want to be. They show these ideas of “perfect people” when we all know perfection isn’t possible. They air brush, they fade out, they in essence create these visions that we aspire to be (yes, even boys). Yet, the more we try to be them, the more elusive they are, and that’s because they aren’t real either. Do you know anyone who has actually met a celebrity in person? Do you know what the biggest comment is upon meeting a celebrity in person? “Why don’t they look like they do on TV/in the magazine/in their movies?” We can see the blemishes, the imperfections, the reality of them when they’re not “treated” and “transformed,” and that’s why the expectations they espouse can’t truly be upheld. They can only serve to tear us down, the more we aspire to be the “them” they even wish they could be.
And I completely understand why we want to wear the masks. I have spent so much of my life putting on mask after mask, but now that I’m here I realize it was such a waste of my time and energy, all the time spent being a dancing monkey for others who never asked me to either dance or be a monkey. If they can’t accept the person I am, then they don’t deserve the glory of my company. And I know that’s different from wearing hats. There is a time and a place for everything. Just because I’m a spontaneous person doesn’t mean I can do whatever I want when I’m at work, or in other social situations that call for me to be quiet. I’m not masking myself then. I’m just wearing a different hat for the moment. In solemn situations, I can be solemn, but that doesn’t change the essence of who I am.
That’s what really counts, right? The people who truly appreciate us will still be there when the masks come off, and if they’re not, you’ll realize they weren’t YOUR friends in the first place.
Sam
Sam's Online Journal 