No, we didn’t talk about domestic violence, although that would have been really interesting. Instead, the discussion around the water cooler this week was all about other parts of relationships, about taking breaks, about making up, and about longevity and how best to achieve it. The most interesting part, though, was about taking breaks, though. Hence, the title of this post. It all started when I brought up that famous line from Friends: “We were on a BREAK,” made famous by Ross Geller, when he made that infamous mistake with Chloe the Copy Girl. For shame, Ross. Don’t you know that women are fickle creatures and that Rachel would take you back, even though you were wrong about Mark. Well, sort of. But that’s beside the point. Let’s talk relationships.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, that’s a given of a relationship. If you know anyone who claims their relationship has all been sunny and peachy keen, either they have only been in one for a day, or they’re lying. It’s as simple as that. Nobody’s perfect, so no relationship is perfect. They take work, commitment, and a lot of forgiveness. We all agree wholeheartedly on those three things, but we had a lot to say about compromise. Some said that you shouldn’t have to compromise your values and beliefs to be in a relationship, that you should find someone who completely agrees with you, and others (including me) said sometimes you have to make compromises. I recall specifically that my wife wanted to celebrate Christmas by having our children believe in Santa Claus and I didn’t, but I made a compromise that we would have Santa if we didn’t get the children baptized at birth. For further information on how I feel about baptism, here is my post regarding that. That was a compromise I could live with, and to this day our kids believe Santa is real.
And how about breaks? Did you know that 80 percent of relationships where the partners have taken a break end up breaking up for good? There is just something about the decision to take a time out from the relationship that doesn’t bode well for its long-term prospects. That’s not to say it can’t be done, and it happens, but it’s miles harder once the deed is done. Everyone at the water cooler said that breaks never help, and the only reason some people get back together after them is loneliness or they couldn’t find someone new, and at least they’re used to things in their old relationship. Everyone except me. I actually think there are many reasons why people take breaks, and if the reason is valid enough, and the participants know beforehand that they’re just on a break and they’re working on the issues separately, it can definitely happen. It happened for me.
Then there’s longevity. We see couples celebrating their 50th anniversary and we wonder how they do it. Relationships are hard, and they don’t get easier over time. With the divorce rate what it is (over 50 percent), it’s something special to see those relationships that stand the test of time, but someone brought up a point. Maybe these relationships go so long because the people in them have given up on happiness so they settle. Settling is a big topic these days, but that’s for another post. Just thought I’d mention it came up here. But if they aren’t settling and they are indeed happy after all that time, how is it done? The number one answer for that one was communication. It seems to simple, but it rings so true. We all agreed on it. If a couple communicates, and doesn’t hide crucial information from each other, including money issues, previous relationships, and emotions, they can make it. And they won’t be like Ross and Rachel, doomed to play out the “We were on a BREAK!” argument until the very last half-season of the show. At least they made it in the end, though, right?
And what ever happened to that Mark guy?
Sam
Sam's Online Journal 