We all know that parents tell lies to their children, ostensibly to protect them from the harsh realities of life, but really to save themselves from having to explain difficult things, but what about their kids? We were all teenagers once, and you know there are a host of lies teenagers tell their parents so they can do what they want. Here are my top 5:
5. “I’m going to the library.”
If a teenager wants ultimate freedom, apparently they go to the town library and read about it in books. And did you know that all libraries are open 24/7, so when your kid slinks in the house at 2 in the morning, the night librarian was on duty and saw that they got home safely. If you happen to get suspicious about the “library,” it is much simpler to call or text your child and ask him where he is instead of getting in the car and just going there yourself. If he says he’s in the library and everything fine, then everything’s fine. Sit tight. Maybe he’ll even bring you home a book to read.
4. “I took care of it.”
Did you know that teenagers have a lot on their plates, but you can heap even more on them and they’ll do it, sight unseen? You can tell them to clean their rooms, they say yes, and it somehow gets done, even though you never saw them clean it,they suddenly put a sign up saying “Stay Out,” and the cat hasn’t been seen for days. Don’t even worry that the cat is having kittens in the middle of the mess, because you’ve been assured it has been done. Teenagers always brush and floss their teeth three times a day too, did you know?, because you told them to, and you know they spent time in the bathroom. Sure, they took their phones in as well, but that’s just to use the mirror function on it to brush their teeth better. Oh, and they took care of the yard work too. Just don’t look too closely at the south end of the lawn.
3. “I would never lie to you.”
We all know that our little angels always tell us this before they say amazing things about us. “I would never lie to you, Dad. You’re a great singer.” “I would never lie to you, Mom. Your hair looks amazing.” I always knew I was a great singer, but it’s always good to be reminded of it by my child. Oh, you want $50 bucks to take your girlfriend to the movies? Sure thing. Thanks for what you said about my hair. You’re such a sweetie. Huh? You want $75 bucks to pay your dealer? No problem. Just, thanks so much for not ever lying to me. I’m glad we’ve built up this trust and communication.
2. “I won’t be late.”
Teenagers are always so punctual, so when we give them guidelines for being home by a certain time, we know they will follow them to a T. We don’t ever have to stay up to make sure they’re in on time. And when we talk them into coming to church with us, we know they’ll be there freshly pressed and early, with smiles on their faces. And daughters are the ultimate best when it comes to being on time. It doesn’t take them hours to get ready in the morning, and they don’t need constant reminders that the clock is ticking. What a blessing it is to hear them say they won’t be late, and to know that it’s true.
1. “I’m spending the night at _____________’s house.”
When youngsters are not at the library deep in study, they’re studying instead at their friend’s house. You know the friend. Her parents are in the PTA, they’re churchgoers, and they always smile when they see you at school functions. You should feel lucky that your daughter will be spending the night at their house. You know there won’t be any wild parties, any alcohol, or any drug use. The craziest thing that might happen is an impromptu game of Twister, that wily game from the ’80s. No need to check up on them by calling the parents. You know they’ll be there because your kid wouldn’t lie. Just check in every couple of hours with a sweet smiley face text. Teens love that. What a good kid you have.