5. “It’s not you. It’s me.”
The classic relationship ender, this is one of the oldest excuses in the book. Ironically, it is also never true. Think of it. You have to live with yourself, so why end something good for that reason and then you’re stuck with only yourself? It’s always the other person, and you’re just too chicken to admit it.
4. “I didn’t have time.”
What you really mean is that you decided not to make the time. You know as well as I do that we make time for the things that are important to us. So giving this excuse to anyone tells them that you find whatever they wanted from you to be unimportant.
3. “I have to be up early in the morning.”
If you’re having a good time, there is absolutely no way you are thinking about having to get up early, even if it’s true. The only people who give this excuse are the ones who are not having a good time, and they just want to let you down easy.
2. “I have no idea how that happened.”
This means you know exactly how it happened and you were definitely involved somehow. People who use this excuse assume everyone else is dumb. They are also the first ones who give an excuse. This is how you can identify them in the wild.
1. “But I thought she was you.”
This one comes compliments of the texting age where apparently your boyfriend and/or husband can’t tell the difference between some random girl he texted and you. It has something to do with mixing up the numbers in his phone. I mean, he obviously wouldn’t have texted something so incriminating, knowing you would check his phone. Obviously.
Sam
Sam's Online Journal 
Both funny, and true.LoL
So true, and there are about a million more excuses I wanted to use, but I only had five spots. Ha ha.